I'm in Seoul but I'm not a Soldier

Seoul long! (say it fast)

2010-08-12T03:38:00.000-07:00

This is it. I'm sitting in a PC Bang because my internet is diconnected and I have no longer have a cell phone. I fly out in 12 hours. It feels pretty strange because on one hand I'm going home, but on the other hand I'm kinda leaving home. 2 years is long enough to feel very settled in a place, or so I've come to realize. I keep having these weird feelings every time I do something for the last time. Like this is really the last time I'll be at Nowon High School? This is the last time I'll have an awkward conversation with my principal? This is really the last time I'll eat at Kimbap Heaven? This is the last time I...OK, I think you get the idea.

It's been a wild ride. When I graduated school, I'd only left Canada for the States and Cuba. Now I've been in Japan, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand and Vietnam. Oh and South Korea for two year. It's pretty wild to come from a town of like 80 people to doing something like this. Definitely opened the old eyeballs a lil bit.

I also realized coming over here has led me to do some pretty random stuff. Here's a quick recap of some of the highlights:

Bungee jumped for 25 bucks...seems sketchier in retrospect, but it was safer than the cost would have you think...

Got a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do...trained with 10 year olds regularly.

Spent two and a half weeks alone in Thailand...also seems sketchier in restrospect...

Did a temple stay in Korea, but the monk was Russian...

Partied in animal onesies...

Climbed my first mountain with Korean coworkers who spoke little English...it was an overnight trip...

I could go on and on. Too many crazy memories. I've spent the last few weeks reliving them as I say goodbye to people I'm leaving behind here, and it's made me realize how truly amazing this experience has been. Now it's time to move on, but I definitely don't regret anything about coming to teach in Seoul. Canada, here I come.

Thanks to everybody who's ever read this blog or made a comment, and especially to those who STILL do for whatever reason.

School's Out Forever

2010-08-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day of school in Seoul...EVER. I know what you're thinking - I'll miss it and hate trying to find a good job in Canada and come running back. Well your wrong, whoever you are!

I had a two year cap in mind when I first got here, and that time has run out. Time to move on. This week was summer camp. The theme of the camp was creating a blog, oddly enough. It was a pretty good time, but a little boring. In the end the blog turned out pretty cool. The students each had to contribute an article, make a video, and help come up with the format/title for the blog. Have a gander (the videos are a little painful, but they didn't have much time).

Anyway, the last day was pretty cool. The kids surprised the hell out of me this morning. The second grade students got there at 7am and decorated the class with balloons, and they even bought a cake. A bunch of them gave me presents and cards. One of my favourite students made me a photo album of different students and teachers and things around the school. It almost brought a tear to my eye. In fact, I might have a good cry about it after I finish this post.

I know it's a pretty big deal that I'm leaving Korea after two years here, but I really don't feel much of anything about it. That seems to happen with every big event in my life. I expect it to be such a big deal but then when it happens nothing really hits me. After I'm gone for a while it'll sink in how wild this whole experience has been.

This is my penultimate post.

Winding Down

2010-07-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

I officially have less than a month to go in Korea. Today was my last day of regular classes. The atmosphere is pretty weird this week. All of my students know I'm leaving now, and that this week might be the last week they see me. Most of them keep asking "why?", and telling me not to go. Some of them are sincere, and some of them are just trying to get a laugh out of their friends. Others seem less concerned with me leaving and more concerned with who the knew foreign teacher will be.

I have no idea who will replace me, but I keep messing with the kids. I tell the boys classes a beautiful, young, blonde, Australian woman will be replacing me. The girls think a tall, blonde, English bloke will be arriving in September. By the end of my descriptions the classes are usually giving a standing ovation to the fictional new teacher. It doesn't take much for them to get over the concept of me leaving...

I'll really miss the school. I love all (by that I mean most) of my students, and even the ones that are a nightmare to teach make me laugh all the time. I've had so many great memories here. Two years is a substantial amount of time. Some of my students who had just started high school will be graduating the semester after I leave, and I've literally taught every single student at my school. It's crazy to think about.

I'm also going to miss all of the staff at the school. They've all been great to me. They always look out for me and try to make me feel included, even though many of them are terrified of speaking English, and feel awkward around whities like me. I've done my best to try to learn Korean and adapt to the culture, but I know without their patience and kindness this could have been a nightmare. Instead it was generally awesome.

Most of the people at school have been asking me what I'm going to do when I go back. So far all I know is that I'll be living in Toronto and working for a year. Then I'm going back to school.

Beyond that, I'm not sure what I want to do. Anyone still reading, I'd love you to help me out.

Should I:

a) Go the distance and become an English professor, and write a brilliant thesis about the relationship between (insert interesting literature here) and (insert something interesting here).

b) Go to law school and become a successful defense attorney, only to burn out and hit the bottle due to the moral dilemmas and stress I'll face on a daily basis.

c) Become a gym teacher and play sports all day.

d) Become a writer and live in poverty until I either get lucky or end up on the streets.

e) Turn to a life of crime, hit rock bottom, be rescued by Dog the Bounty Hunter and become a skullet sporting member of his bad ass team.

Feel free to vote in the comments section below...

The Janitor

2010-07-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, students in Korea do most of the cleaning at school. They sweep and mop the classrooms and offices, take out the garbage, and so on. Sure, their idea of mopping is pushing the dirt around with a dirty old mop soaked in soapless water, but they're still learning. Although we have our students doing such a stellar job of tidying up around here, we also have a janitor.

The janitor at my school is an adjumma. An adjumma is a word Koreans use for older women. At the risk of overgeneralizing, there are two types of adjummas. One type will give you a big smile when you walk into the restaurant where she works, or motion for you to sit down when a seat becomes available on the subway, or speak slowly for you in Korean because she knows you're struggling to understand her. The other kind will glare at you in disgust when you walk into the restaurant where she works, or go out of her way to body check you on the subway, or yell at you really fast in Korean when you can't understand what she's trying to say to you. The problem is both types of adjummas will have identical perms and wear the same brightly coloured clothing, so it is impossible to tell them apart until it's too late.

Thankfully, the janitor at my school is a kindly little adjumma. She is honestly about 4 foot 5, with the classic adjumma perm. She doesn't speak English, and has never uttered so much as a "hi". Our interaction is strictly in Korean.

As a result, she's really seen me grow during my time here. She helped teach me to stop nodding awkwardly and mumbling to her when we passed, and now I bow deeply to her and say "annyang haseyo" confidently every time.

Then there was the time I walked into the bathroom and a toilet had flooded shit all over the floor. She looked like she was about to throw up, and said to me in Korean that it was "dirty". I answered "yes". It was a big moment for me. Another time, she asked "is there toilet paper in there?", and not only did I understand her Korean but answered in a full sentence!

The reason I'm posting about her today is that I've noticed that literally every time I have used the washroom in the past two years here, she has either been in the washroom, entering the washroom, or leaving the washroom. I've never been to the washroom without encountering her. This old woman knows exactly how many times I've used the washroom since I started working at this school. I've peed in front of this woman on a daily basis for two years. I feel like nobody in Korea knows me the way this lady knows me. At first it freaked me out, but now I just accept that I'm going to have to see her whenever I "gotta go".

The really weird part is it doesn't even seem to matter if I switch it up and use a different washroom somewhere far from my office. She just happens to be there that time too. Maybe her job is just to clean the washrooms again and again until the day ends. I don't know, but I just had to get this off my chest.

Tae Kwon Do: The Final Chapter

2010-07-04T23:58:00.000-07:00

I've been told I shouldn't let my Korea blog die such an inglorious death. Never fear! I have a few more posts up my sleeve before I officially shut this baby down for good.

So for the past year and a bit I've been taking Tae Kwon Do here in Seoul. I've written about my class here and here in the past. Yesterday I finally had my black belt test.

For the past few months, I've really been training hard. Master So and I even made a training montage set to "Eye of the Tiger", but I'm saving that for film so I can't share it here. I can tell you that I had to complete challenges like sleeping through the night standing on one foot, fighting six ninjas while blindfolded, and climbing up mountains while walking on my hands. By that I mean I learned basic kicks, and mastered the 8 forms you need to learn for the test, and practiced sparring almost exclusively against small children and females.

I was more than ready for the test. In fact, I was ready and scheduled to be tested a month ago, but chose to go get my ass kicked in my ball hockey playoffs that week instead. I'm here to tell you that when you are the only white person in a gym full of hundreds of Koreans, preparation suddenly means nothing. By the time I was supposed to do my test I was a full-blown Nervous Nellie. I was sure my mind would go blank and I would forget everything I was supposed to be doing. It's weird having like 200 plus Korean parents watch you do a test in their native martial art. Not to mention the judges in front of me, the advanced black belts behind me, and the dozens of Masters standing around the gym.

I persevered though. I may have been shaking, and my form may have been a little awkward thanks to my nerves, but I got through it all without any mistakes. It helped that this one advanced guy who was about to be tested kept giving me a thumbs up after each part of the test.

The only brutal part of the test was the sparring. My Master told me not to hold back. He gave me the green light to go 100% against my opponent. Then we get there and discover my opponent is the only other person being tested in my group: a female university student. So naturally, I went out there and beat the crap right out of that poor girl.

Just kidding. About 70 people in that gym reminded me to go easy on her, as if I planned on going for the K.O.. She was pretty scared leading up to it and kept saying "slow, please...very, very please!!!" Then we start sparring and she just annihilates me while I try to kick at her without hurting her.

You can watch the carnage here (a sneak peek of the upcoming made for television film):

Despite the crushing defeat in sparring, my Master assured me I passed the test. I'll get my belt sent to me in Canada in 3 months (I leave here August 13th). After 3-5 days a week of Tae Kwon Do for over a year, and over $1000 in Tae Kwon Do fees invested, I can say I stuck with it and got a black belt. I'm normally quite a quitter (see: this blog), but I showed I'm capable of committing to a goal and reaching it. The physical benefits, cultural experiences, and funny times I got out of TKD made it all worth it. I don't want to pump my own tires here, but I feel pretty damn good about myself right now.

Ad Posters

2010-04-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

I had my students make ad posters last week. They worked in groups. Each group was in charge of one part of the poster (company name, slogan, product, and logo). They each started with a blank poster and did their job, and then rotated the posters 3 more times until their were 4 complete posters in the end. Some of the posters were good, but I've chosen to share the ones that made me laugh instead.

This one seems harmless but it's a reference to a form of bullying where cool send nerds on bread runs. The rest are self-explanatory. There were some good posters, but half of them either tried to make fun of their classmates, draw genitals, or make reference to some inside joke that I would inevitably figure out before the end of class. Oh high school kids.

Back to School

2010-04-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've grown tired of telling my Vietnam stories. I'm ready to get back to the good stuff. Teaching in Korea. What's new at Nowon High School? Plenty.

First off, I won an award. That's right. SMOE recognized my dedication to teaching with a certificate that says I'm awesome. I don't know why I got it. It came with a 4 gig USB. Apparently about 50 teachers got this award. I heard that my principal put in a call to get me the award. My principal has never seen me teach, and he can't speak English. He is fantastic though, because he always makes a show of saying hi to me in the hall. All Korean teachers and students in sight always laugh when he does this. What a guy. Anyway, I have him to thank for getting me my first teaching award, even though I almost definitely do not deserve one.

Next up is a story about one of my favourite students: Simpson. Simpson is called Simpson because he looks like a character from the Simpsons. Not a particular character. He just generally looks like a Simpson character. This kid lived in the U.S., so he understands everything I'm saying. He can't really speak all that well, but he loves to joke around and so I think he's a gem. The other day I asked the class what being positive means. Simpson pointed at his friend beside him and said "even though my mind is my friend ugry, I say "ohhh vely handsome!!!". The whole class lost it, including me. I love Simpson.

In other news, I showed students a picture of the moment where the Korean women's speed skating team was disqualified for bumping a Chinese skater. That got a "fucking Chinese..." from one bitter student. I opted to laugh rather than get upset. He's a good kid most of the time. Besides, hating on other Asian countries is just normal here.

Finally, I thought I was being a good teacher this year when I brought in a map of the world that has pictures of every countries flag on it. I put this map up at the back. Instead of being a good globally minded gesture, it has brought me under great scrutiny at school. You see, the map calls the body of water to the East of Korea the "Sea of Japan". Every student that looks at this map criticizes me because they think it should say "The East Sea". The "Sea of Japan" name apparently became common only after Japan occupied Korea, so Koreans vehemently argue that the name should be changed to "The East Sea". Unfortunately, every other country in the world is used to calling it the "Sea of Japan" now. Anyway, one disgruntled student wrote "The East Sea" in Korean on my map. I guess I'll be leaving that behind when I go.

Vietnam: A Coincidence and an Accident

2010-04-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

The Coincidence

I got back to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City at about 2pm. At about 10:30 that night my friend was coming in from the airport to meet me. This time as I walked around with my backpack I was offered a room by a mysterious man carrying fruit. I decided to go with the flow again. The place he took me to was down a sketchy ally, just like my first room, but this time it was an actual hotel. The room was pretty nice, and for two people it was 15$ American, or $7.50 each. I was looking forward to splitting the room bills from then on.

Anyway, as I was killing the time, I grabbed some dinner at a busy restaurant. I sat on the second floor balcony. While I was eating, I thought I saw a familiar face. The guy ended up sitting at the restaurant across the street from me. I tried to get his attention to see if my hunch was correct, but he never really looked up. The longer I sat there, the more sure I became.

When I was done my food, I walked downstairs. As I was paying, I could see that it was definitely a guy I know from the ball hockey league in Seoul where I get my hockey fix. Oddly enough he was also killing time, waiting for his wife to arrive. We had a beer and shot the breeze for a bit. It was nice running into him, because he's not in Seoul anymore. What are the odds? I guess that's the power of ball hockey.

The Accident

After picking up my friend Angela from the airport, we got a cab with some random people. Getting a cab from the airport was a zoo that night. We had to hijack one aggressively after watching about 300 drive by us. On the way back, our taxi small talk was interrupted by a loud thud. We had hit a scooter.

There was a man and a woman on the scooter. The woman grabbed her head and sold the crash while the man complained. The taxi driver just seemed annoyed, and they argued for a minute or two. Traffic was getting backed up behind us, and horns were blaring. Out of nowhere, some guy appeared to mediate. Who knows who this guy was, I think he was just another driver. Anyway, he convinced the taxi driver to settle up with cash. The driver handed over 100 000 Vietnamese Dong, which is just over 5 bucks American. We carried on. Traffic in Vietnam is just wild.

The Aftermath (she was fine)

Everyday Traffic in Saigon.

Vietnam: Roosters, Finding Jesus, and the Ratty Bills Game

2010-04-02T03:37:00.000-07:00

Each morning in Vung Tao I was jerked from slumber by the beautiful sound of a rooster cockadoodledooing right below my window. For one reason or another, the hotel across the street had a rooster that seemed to live in the lobby. Perhaps they were breeding their own food with that stud. In any case, it was shocking alarm clock at dawn. At least he didn't let me waste my day.

I had a day of looking around ahead of me, so I bought some snacks and water from the lobby of my hotel. The lady gave me the rattiest bills imaginable as change. I was pretty choked because I knew she did it on purpose. Apparently it is easier for tourists to exchange ratty bills at banks than it is for Vietnamese people to do so. The problem is, I needed the change to buy other stuff, but no other Vietnamese people would accept my ratty bills once I had them. It's like that card game I used to play as a kid where the object was not to get stuck with the Joker or whatever. I forget the name of that game. Anyway, it was if I was playing that game. And losing.

The main reason I chose Vung Tao as a place to visit was because the travel guide said it had a huge statue of Jesus on top of a big hill. I'm not much of a religious man, but rather I like climbing hills to see cool statues at the top. Plus the travel guide said it was the Rio De Janeiro of Vietnam. I now know that was a bit of dry humour on the author's part. Anyway, I was on a mission to see this statue. However, when I first found the gate leading to the stairs up the hill, it was locked. There were some people inside, but they appeared to be drinking. I decided I'd check again later.

After walking around in the sun for a few hours and taking pointless pictures, I headed back to find Jesus. This time the gate was open. I walked in and started to climb the stairs. The 4 guys I had seen drinking earlier started yelling at me. "Closed", they said. I asked why the gate was open. "Scooter", they replied, meaning that they had just let their friend drive his scooter in. They were celebrating the Lunar New Year in style. They had dumped an entire case of beer into a giant bucket and were getting shammered drinking the beer from plastic cups. I talked to them for a bit and they gave me a beer. I almost had the drunkest of the lot talked into letting me go up and see Jesus, but when I reached the stairs the other 3 started hollering at me to come back down. It just wasn't meant to be. I took it as a sign from God. So, I gave up and left.

Below: As close as I ever got to finding Jesus...

I returned to my hotel. The next day at noon I'd be heading back to Saigon to meet my friend. I bought two bottles of water from the reception desk downstairs. I made sure I only had the ratty bills in my wallet to pay the woman with. I was catching on. You should have seen the look on her face when I handed those sorry looking bills back to her.

Vietnam: Vung Tao Solo Mission

2010-03-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

I had to hang around Ho Chi Minh city for the first 4 days to wait for my friend to arrive. That left me in a bit of a pickle. I didn't have much time to stray too far, but I also didn't want to see too much of Ho Chi Minh city just to do it all again when she arrived.

My solution to the problem was to go to Vung Tao, which is a quiet beach close to the city. I hoped on a hydrofoil boat, and an hour and a half later I'd made it. I was immediately bombarded by sketchy taxi services. Once again, I managed to get swindled. The driver told me I'd be going 8 kilometers. Then he just drove slowly in the middle of the 3km trip. I was making progress though. The first taxi ride I paid triple what I should have, and this time I only paid double. I put my foot down when he drove me to the front of a hotel that tried to charge me expensive rates for a room with 3 beds. I would sleep on the couch of the Devil himself to save money on a trip. 3 beds and an ocean view seemed a bit excessive.

The cool thing about Vung Tao is that it is more of a spot for Vietnamese (and some Korean) tourists than Western tourists. Consequently, the Vietnamese food was even more authentic, and there were no tacky tourist things going on. It was just me and Vietnamese families chilling at the beach. I actually felt a bit nervous at times being by myself there at first because I felt so out of place. Like I was crashing their vacation somehow.

Luckily, everyone was either very friendly or very indifferent towards me. I ran into a group of young Vietnamese people. They were probably around 20, and just sloshed on 333 (cheap beer). They started talking to me when I was walking along the beach, and brought me back to their sun chairs. After giving me a beer, the only one who could speak any English tried to tell me about the New Year's festivities coming up. He managed to communicate that if I said "Happy New Year" a lot for the next few days, Vietnamese people I meet would be "vely happy". In fact, 80% of the conversation consisted of him repeating that Vietnam was "vely happy" during Tet. I think that was the alcohol-induced "broken record effect" talking for him though.

Anyway, it was really cool to hang out with some locals. Too be honest, at first I was a little worried they might try to pull something over on me, but that was just because I was alone, and you always get more paranoid when you know you're a bit vulnerable. Plus up to that point, every Vietnamese person I'd met had either been trying to sell me something or were begging. Then I realized they weighed a combined 200 pounds, and were just drunk, happy people. So I just relaxed and enjoyed their company.

Later I found an internet cafe, after an extensive search. My hotel had Wifi, but no PCs. The place was packed with children glued to computer games. The internet has corrupted even the most remote corners of the world, so I was not surprised. A 6 year old-ish girl set me up at a computer after consulting with her grandmother. I used the computer for 12 minutes and went to settle up. The amount on the screen differed from the amount the girl told me to pay, so I was a little confused. The girl called her grandmother out, who got really upset with me. She just kept saying the higher amount angrily. She was visibly shaking. I then realized she meant there was a minimum fee. I felt bad that I couldn't speak any Vietnamese to apologize for my honest mistake. I paid her and got the hell out of there, feeling extremely awkward.

Below: Shopping for a towel with a language gap.

Below: Crazy Sand Spiders...look close.

Below: "Back Beach" in Vung Tao

Vietnam 2: Beggars and Burgers

2010-03-22T04:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up on my second day in Vietnam in an upstairs bedroom of some ancient Vietnamese woman's house. It was just after 9am. I had a quick shower (there was no hot water), got dressed, and was quite anxious to high-tail it out of there. I got downstairs and the door was padlocked from the inside.

Feeling a little worried, I called out to the old woman a few times. No response. I saw the key to the lock on the table. For a minute I pondered searching the house to tell the woman I was leaving. Then I just decided to make a break for it. I'd already paid, and I told her I'd be leaving by 10am. I unlocked the door, dropped the key on the table, closed the door behind me and left. Here's hoping I'm not responsible for an old woman being robbed, or worse...

I had bacon and eggs for breakfast. Man they were good. I needed something comforting after the sketchy night I'd just had. They also came with Vietnamese coffee that you sort of make yourself:

(You pour the water from the thermos through the metal filter on top)
During breakfast, I saw two kids on a scooter hit an old man on a scooter. The kids looked about 12, if that. The old man let them have it verbally, and carried on.

After that delicious meal, I found a more comfortable place to stay for about 13$ U.S. It had hot water, and even cable! I found it odd being able to use either American and Vietnamese currency almost anywhere. I wandered around exploring for 4 hours. I saw many interesting preparations for Tet (Lunar New Year) that day. A few days later the actual New Year celebrations began, so things were in full force. This year was the Year of the Tiger, as you can see:

During my walk, I saw a man begging. His entire face was scarred with burns. They looked fresh. It's hard to explain, but it was one of the more disturbing things I've seen in person. I've led a fairly sheltered life.

Later I had Vietnam's signature dish, Pho. It was actually called Pho Bo to be exact; it was rice noodle soup with beef:

Pho is honestly one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten. It's so simple, but so good.

I wandered the neighbourhood around Pham Ngu Lao until dinner time. When I got hungry for dinner, I began to notice that virtually every type of cuisine imaginable exists in Saigon. There was this place called Wayne's, and it boasted Texas burgers and free beer with dinner. I was just looking at the menu for kicks when an old man sitting out front told me the food was great. I decided to go for it; it's hard to get a good burger in Seoul. I figured I'd already had a Vietnamese dish for lunch, so a burger wouldn't be totally inappropriate. Turns out the old man was Wayne himself, the Texan owner of the Texas restaurant. He wasn't lying though. What a burger.

Later I decided to check out the nightlife and had a beer at a patio bar. While there, a little kid came up to beg. He asked me for money for noodles. I told him I didn't have any change. He called me a liar. Later I started talking to some Aussies. The kid came back and asked them for money. They told him to get lost. He said "my country". We agreed that was fair enough, but then bar security scared him off. They told us that he's actually in school and not poor. They might have been trying to make us feel better. Who knows. All I know is, if I gave money to every beggar I met in Vietnam, I'd have blown my spending money within about 4 days. It can be overwhelming dealing with the beggars and the salespeople.

After drinking with the Aussies and being offered souvenirs, books, grossly over-sized Zippo lighters, cigarettes, cigars, marijuana, coke, and sex, I decided to call it a night.

Vietnam

2010-03-19T04:51:00.000-07:00

In February I traveled to Vietnam for 17 days with my vacation time. My inspiration has dried up with respect to writing about Korea lately, so I'm going to post some of the highlights from my daily journal I kept on the trip.

I flew with Cathay Airlines. My flight stopped over in Hong Kong. When the plane was landing it looked like we were going into the ocean. I kid you not. All I could see out the window was water until about a few seconds before the plane touched down.

When I arrived at customs in Ho Chi Minh City, a fiasco awaited me. I was not surprised. In fact, I had been anticipating it. You see, the Vietnam Embassy in Seoul is manned by the sketchiest, grumpiest, gruffest old piece of work I've ever seen. To make a long story short, he gave me a two week visa even though I would be there for 17 days. My visa said I would be leaving 3 days earlier than my flight. I tried to explain this problem to him and he gave a dismissive grunt. He then mumbled "you just show them the sticker, don't worry".

Of course the customs officers jumped all over me immediately. One particular little weasel with good English took over my "case". First he plays hardball. He says "You have to change flight. I'll call the airline". I argued. I showed him my E-ticket and my receipt from the embassy, which clearly showed that the crazy old dude had all my information and made a mistake. He told me I'd have to change my flight or pay a big fine. Then he disappeared. I was tired, angry, and just plain annoyed at this point. He comes back and looks at me fuming, and asks, "are you crying?". Folks - I was one tiny ounce of willpower away from spending a few years in a Vietnamese prison.

Anyway, I knew he was just working his way up to bribing me. I'd read about this online a few places. The customs officers like to hustle. The "big fine" turned out to be 10 dollars American. I would have paid 10 extra dollars for a longer visa in the first place. Hell, I'd have paid the 50 extra for the 1 month visa but the crazy embassy guy told me not too.

Anyway, I paid the weasel and took a cab from the airport to Pham Ngu Lao, the backpacker district. In my exhausted state, I knowingly allowed the cab driver to charge me 3 times the normal rate. I am such a mark sometimes. Ho Chi Minh City, which is really still called Saigon by everyone there, is absolute chaos. The streets are jammed with scooters, tour buses, taxis and cars. Not to mention bicycles and street vendors. I was alone, tired, and overwhelmed. I walked aimlessly for a few minutes, taking things in.

Then I felt a little tug on my waist. I looked down and a pint-sized Vietnamese woman said "you need hotel?". With my huge backpack and lost expression, I decided it was pointless to lie. I followed her through a series of the scariest alleys I've ever seen. She promised me a room for 8 American or less. She just kept walking into the houses of people she knew and asking if they had rooms. Finally we came to one with a spare room open. She was as old as Father Time from my previous post.

I wandered through the old ladies living room and upstairs. The room was pretty normal, other than being in some random woman's house. I took it. After going for a few beers at a bar called Allez Boo so I could watch the insanity in the streets, I returned to Mother Time's house and went to sleep.

To be continued....

It felt kind of like a home stay. An awkward, bizarre home stay.

Oh Canada!

2010-03-02T04:53:00.000-08:00

While I was in Vietnam, I was able to follow the Olympics through headlines and highlights and scores. I almost had a chance to watch a replay of the first Canada vs. U.S.A. game, but then I accidentally saw the final score before the game aired. I must say, I was feeling pretty disheartened after seeing that 5-3 loss on my MSN news feed. It seemed like Canada was putting up a pretty lackluster performance across the board.

Then I arrived back in Seoul. Canada had started winning medals. Mainly gold medals, in addition to an inspiring Bronze for a certain female figure skater. The Canadian men's hockey team held on against the Slovaks and destroyed the Russians. Over here, you could feel the excitement building. The anticipation for that gold medal game continued to rise all day Sunday. For us, the game was coming on live at 5 am on Monday morning due to the time difference. Coincidentally, Monday was a holiday. I like to think it was an Olympic hockey final holiday for Canadians.

I was playing ball hockey Sunday, which was a fitting way to pass the time before the game. I had intended to just get up early Monday and watch the game from home, or in my neighbourhood. At hockey I realized everyone I knew was planning to stay out Sunday night and watch the game at a Canadian bar called Rocky Mountain Tavern on Monday morning. So we drank and partied into the night, waiting. We joked and talked smack with our American friends. We went over the various scenarios, praying to the hockey gods that we would pull it off and take the gold. I just couldn't believe we had a chance to win the most golds in a Winter Olympics, on home soil, and it had all come down to hockey.

By the time the game was on, I was exhausted. I was also pretty drunk. I made it though. I watched Crosby and the boys make Olympic history with a bar full of die hard hockey fans. I believe the majority were Canadian (shock), although there were enough Americans to raise a decent cheer when their team scored. We did our best to drown them out with boos. We cheered like crazy when Canada scored or made a play, and were were crushed when Kesler scored. Then we were in absolute disbelief when Parise tied it so close to victory.

When Crosby scored in overtime, we tore the roof off of RMT. We jumped around like maniacs and celebrated until our throats felt like they were bleeding. Then we sang along with the anthem and hurt our throats some more. It was surreal. One of the most memorable moments of my life.

I'm not the most die hard nationalistic person in the world. I love my country but it's not something I generally make a big deal of. That said, this is one of those times when I feel really proud to be Canadian. Our athletes brought Canadians together around the world and gave us something to cheer about. They stepped up and did something incredible in the highest pressure situation imaginable. I'll be talking about this Olympics for the rest of my life, I can guarantee that. I wish I could have experienced it with my friends and family back home, but thankfully it was pretty unbelievable to experience with my friends and fellow Canucks (and hockey fans) in Seoul.

In Vietnam

2010-02-16T02:54:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Myrna for reminding me I haven't updated my blog for a looong time. My readers probably dropped about 66.6666% (from 3 down to 1). I'm in Vietnam, and I'll be back on the 26th of February. I've been here since the 9th. It's been crazy and amazing. I'll share the highlights when I get back.

Field Trip

2010-01-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

On Friday I officially executed my first field trip. We went ice skating. As I just typed feild, I was reminded by spellcheck that my own English skills are slipping. I've been here too long. On the bright side, my field trip was a success.

I had the students plan the trip using the Korean website, and then translate the details into English. It was educational for them, and it made life much easier for me. Although the students did a good job of getting the directions, the bus driver screwed us and told us to get off at the wrong stop. The students learned a valuable life lesson; never second-guess yourself. Their original instincts were correct, but the bus driver dropped the ball. Never underestimate the incompetence of others.

While we suffered the extra two blocks walking in the cold and snow, I informed the students that they were having a legitimate Canadian experience. Walking in cold weather and snow is not as common in Seoul as it is in Fenelon Falls, Ontario. My students responded to that with "whore". While that may seem shocking, I've grown used to students reacting to everything I saw with "whore". It's popular slang these days with the younguns. Apparently they aren't saying the word "whore" that I know and love, but a Korean word that sounds very much like "whore". The word seems to mean something like "boo", "oh my god", or "are you fucking kidding me", depending on the context. So anyway, at one point a student called her dad to make sure we were headed the right way, and inadvertently exposed me as a disorganized, irresponsible teacher. In reality, I knew exactly where the rink was, I was just testing my students. That was a lie. I only had a general idea where it was.

We got to the ice rink, finally. Except the driveway into the rink was a kilometre long. At this point, the novelty of the Canadian experience had worn off in a big way. We got to the arena, where we were greeted by a nice Korean lady. My students then got to laugh at my attempts to speak Korean. I paid the admission fee because my school has no budget for winter camp, and I felt guilty about making them pay for a field trip that wasn't mentioned in the original camp plan. When walked into the ice rink area, I realized it was an Olympic style speed skating track. I was excited because I've never been skating on anything other than a pond, tennis court, or hockey rink.

The first stop was the skate rental shop. We chose hockey skates, because speed skating skates are just terrifying. I paid for the skate rental because my school has no budget for winter camp, and I wanted to reward my students for actually signing up for my camp.

We skated for about an hour. My students were impressed with my speed and technique. I was impressed that they were all able to skate without falling down. Most of them couldn't stop, and they wobbled with wild arm motions to keep their balance, but they hung in there.

About 8 times during that hour other Koreans out for a skate dropped their jaws and said "look, a foreigner!" in Korean, and pointed at yours truly. I smiled and blew by them.

We left the arena and went for lunch. My students felt guilty that I had paid for them with my own money, so they insisted on paying for my meal. That was allright by me. We had 닭갈비 (dalk galbi), which is chicken fried up with kimchi and other ingredients to form a spicy batch of deliciousness.

The trip was just plain awesome. My students got to talk to me in real situations, and asked me about things they really wanted to know about. For example, they now know that I first started playing hockey while I was in the womb. Just kidding, I told them I was 4. In truth I don't remember exactly, which means I was pretty young.

Communication Win!

2010-01-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

The past week was a little frustrating at work because of the whole heating (or lack thereof) fiasco in my classroom. It took over a week of talking to different teachers and administrators, but we finally got the temperature up above 15 degrees this week.

In stark contrast to that exercise in communication breakdown, within the past 48 hours I managed to organize a last minute field trip!!! The theme for my camp is "Travel", and I've been teaching students survival English. In addition, I assigned students a presentation. They had to choose the one place they've always wanted to go, and prepare a speech and PowerPoint presentation about their dream trip. I called the assignment their "Destination Presentation", because who doesn't enjoy a good rhyme?

Basically, I teach the same one week camp for three weeks, to different students each week. This is the final week. In the first two camps, I gave students a choice for what we would do the final day. Choice one was watching a movie about traveling and ordering food, and practicing restaurant language. Choice two was going on a field trip. The first two groups of kids just wanted me to buy them food and watch a movie. This week, I was pleasantly surprised when my 6 students unanimously agreed on a field trip. I was blown away when they asked if we could go ice skating. It fit in rather perfectly with the theme of the camp, because we spent a lot of time discussing how Canadian tourism in winter (if that even exists) relies on winter sports like skiing, snowboarding, and skating.

There was only one problem with the idea. The Korean English teacher in charge of me and my camp has not been at school for a few weeks. She failed to answer or return my calls. The next person I would ask is the vice-principal, who is also MIA this week. I made some calls to my two favourite English teachers at my school. One recommended a rink nearby to go skating. The other got in touch with the powers that be and got the principal to approve my field trip. I then had my students go on the Korean website for the ice rink and translate the cost, hours of operation, directions, and other pertinent details.

I'm pretty excited about the field trip. Getting out of the classroom is a great way to give students a chance to talk to me without the awkwardness of sitting around a table answering my questions, or doing contrived role playing activities. It's actually a much better opportunity for them to use the English they know and try to communicate with me in a real situation. I'm also excited because they are going to be in awe of my skating prowess. I'm no Patrick Chan or Kim Yuna, but my hockey power skating drills are going to blow them away. I just hope none of them get injured, or I might be on the earliest available flight back to Canada. That might be a good thing though, because then I could catch the Olympics...

Shawn the Snowman

2010-01-12T05:03:00.000-08:00

My students love to draw caricatures of me. I see them on desks. I see them on the chalkboards and whiteboards in my classrooms. Sometimes, I get little notes that say "You are my Shawnshine", with a little picture of me included for effect. At this point I'd like to remind you that I teach at a high school.

The pictures are always sure to capture my receding hairline. Some are more flattering than others. One day I'll look like a cute cartoon character, and the next I'll look like a sinister villain from some kind of anime.

Given the record snowfall in Seoul this past week, some aspiring sculptors at my school decided to make a snowman inspired by Shawn Teacher:

That's me. You'll notice how they so skillfully captured my uncanny resemblance to Shrek. I was also a little bemused to noticed they'd added a significant number of pounds to my catlike frame. I'm sure I gained a pound or two over the holidays, but that's just plain absurd. Still made me hit the gym hard that afternoon though.

On a related note, today marked a breakthrough in the no heat saga in my winter camp. It has been legitimately cold lately in Seoul. The coldest spell of the year so far, with temperatures below minus 10 at times. I finally went into the administration office and had the following conversations:

Conversation 1
Me: The heat in my classroom is still broken.
Admin Boss (In Korean): I know.
Me: Can I have the key to the library?
Admin Boss (hesitantly): Ok...wait.
Me: Ok, but we cannot have class there today. Students are saying it is very very cold.
Admin Boss (in Korean): Ok, I understand.

I wait in my classroom while yet another maintenance guy comes and looks at the heater. He says what I already know, which is that they've called a mechanic but he hasn't come yet. At this point I'm beside myself. I've known this all week, but the fact that they called the mechanic doesn't change the fact that I've been stuck in a classroom just above freezing with complaining students for 9 days now. My students and I have spelled out our situation 8 times in English and Korean already! So, back to the admin office I went.

Conversation 2
Me: Hi. Can I have the key to the library then?
Admin Boss: Uhhh...portable heater...we will put in your class now.
Me (Thinking "It's about [expletive upon expletive] time!", but with a big smile): Perfect! Thank you!

True to his word, there was a tiny space heater plugging away in my class when I returned. Success! The 8 day wait is over. Our classroom was at least 16 degrees Celsius today, which I can live with.

My School is Ghetto

2010-01-06T04:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning when I got to work, the office was empty. Although there was nobody there, I could hear what sounded like papers and other objects being moved on a desk. I looked around but nobody was hiding in their cubicle. I decided I might not be awake yet and just sat down at my desk. I printed off something. As I approached the printer the noise got a little louder, and when I came around in front of the printer the noise got frantic. Then there was screeching. I looked down and saw a rat freaking out on the ground.

It was stuck to one of those super sticky glue traps. I'm not gonna lie to you; it scared the hell out of me. I was still groggy and that was the last thing I expected to see in my office. Apparently they've been hunting the little guy for a while now.

So anyway, I told my coworkers, so my boss went over to investigate. He wandered around the corner looking for it and nearly stepped on it before he noticed it. He screamed and jumped back, and it was classic. Then he scooped up the trap and carried the rat somewhere. Somehow, I don't think they let it back into the wild.

The incident reminded me of the time we caught a rat at our old house when I was growing up. My old man set up a good old-fashioned spring trap to solve our rat problem before my little sisters saw it and got traumatized. Unfortunately for the rat, it somehow manage to get only its hind legs caught in the trap. As a result, it was still alive, in excruciating pain, and able to drag itself around. So, it slowly tried to make it's way across the room - in the ceiling. That's right. We could hear it crawling and crying and scratching around up in the ceiling.

Finally my stepmother couldn't take it anymore. She's an animal lover, and she made my dad cut a hole in the ceiling, get the rat, and put it out of its misery. Quite the tale. Another time we left a live mouse trap in our shed after we were done using it. The shed started to smell, so I was sent to investigate the trap. I opened it up and found two mice. Both were dead. One was a skeleton, but one was rather plump. You do the math.

Wow. That was a long and disturbing tangent. The second reason my school is ghetto is that the heater in my classroom has been broken since Monday. I told my co-teacher about this on Monday. People came to look at it, turned it off and on again, and left it. I explained I had already done that, but they insisted it would come on soon. Tuesday I told another co-teacher. More visits, more turning the heater off and on. Still no results. Today was a repeat of Monday and Tuesday, and I'm willing to bet I teach the entire week in a classroom that hovers around 10 degrees Celsius when the heater is in a good mood. This is the coldest week we've had all year. Figures. You'd think my co-teachers would suggest another room I could teach in, or perhaps the maintenance man would bring in an extra space heater to use temporarily. Considering I asked directly for one of those two things to happen, I'm really not sure what the deal is. I'm considering stealing the heater from my office tomorrow. Oh Nowon High School...

Father Time

2010-01-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

When I was working with my dad shingling roofs, him and the boys let me in on all the little inside jokes and slang they all used together. I won't go into too much detail, because I don't want to sewer my old man online. One of the things we used to call really, really old men was Father Time. I'm not talking about your average old man, I'm talking about the ones who are unbelievably old, fragile, and shaky. A part of you is worried they might bite the dust at any moment. Another part of you is in awe of them for surviving so long. They are also usually wise and sharp, and a pleasure to talk to. Absolute gems, generally speaking.

There is one such gentleman who lives in my neighbourhood, who I refer to as Father Time. He always goes for walks with his cane, and often sits out front of my building drinking instant coffee and smoking. He usually gives me a big wave and says hi in English. In the summer I actually sat down and had a conversation with him. His English was shockingly good. At some point in his life he must have been around native speakers. I tried to ask him how he learned so much, but he never really got into specifics. It took him a really long time to talk, and he sometimes had a hard time hearing me, but we had a good chat when all was said and done.

This afternoon I was coming home from work. As I mentioned yesterday, the ground is covered in snow, and walking is treacherous even for a young cat like myself. As I cut through the alley that leads to my street, I saw Father Time about to cross the street. I watched, horrified, as he slipped in the snow and fell on the road. He was laying in the snow, just a few feet away from passing traffic. There was a middle-aged Korean man ahead of me, who I expected to run to help Father Time. I think he must have been daydreaming, because he didn't seem to notice and just went on his way. Either that or he's the devil. Anyway I broke into a tentative jog on the ice. I saw a woman run over to him as I approached. I hesitated for a second, but then I remembered that old men are deceptively heavy. I don't know why I know this fact, but I do.

I stepped around a parked car to his side, and sure enough, the woman was straining to help him to his feet. I grabbed his other arm and we helped him up. He seemed ok, so we helped him across the street. However, the alley on the other side was no safer for walking, especially with a cane. The woman said let's go to your house, and asked him where he lived in Korean. He seemed to indicate that he still had a pretty far way to go, and I think his pride was kicking in. He was starting to feel embarrassed and didn't want to be walked/carried home.

She then asked if he had a wife or family they could call, but he said no. At this point, I'm feeling devastated for this man. He just wanted to go for a walk and pick something up at the store, and it turned into a painful and humiliating journey for him. He said he was fine and thanked us. The woman and I looked at each other with doubt and concern. Obviously neither of us felt comfortable just letting him go on alone. However, he seemed determined, so she reluctantly let him go. As he started to walk, he lost his balance and fell again. He started to wheeze and mutter on the ground. I was worried he was hurt, but I realized he was probably just feeling frustration mixed with despair. We helped him up again, and the woman said, "let's go".

He brushed her off politely, and tried to collect himself. Sure enough, he started walking under his own power. We both looked at each other and watched him for a minute, and then she decided to let him go. She thanked me, took one last look at him carefully inching his way down the alley, and split. I was at my building, and I knew he lived close, so I decided to watch him. A part of me wanted to just go walk with him, but I was worried about the language barrier and that he would just feel worse if I tried to help him again. He looked back at me and quickly looked away, confirming my suspicion that he was feeling kind of mortified.

I decided to go into the building and watch him from a window in the stairwell, so he wouldn't feel self-conscious. If he got into trouble again I'd run back down and insist on walking him wherever he had to go. I was terrified that he'd fall again and hurt himself badly, and make me feel like the worst person alive. Thankfully, I saw him walk gingerly to an apartment building about 30m away and go inside. He didn't live so far away after all. His toughness impressed me, but I wish he wasn't so stubborn. He should have just let the woman and I walk him those last few steps. Am I ever glad he didn't fall again, or I'd be suicidal right now. I still feel kind of guilty just thinking about it, even though he made it. If I could do it again I would have at least walked with him and talked until he got home, but when you're in the moment, things are complicated.

The whole experience left me rattled. I felt so bad for the guy, and I felt a little anxiety about getting old. Father Time is independent and can look after himself, but clearly his body is letting him down now. He's alone and has no wife or family there to help him. Actually though, I wouldn't be surprised if he has somebody he could have called, but he's probably just too proud. That's another thing I've noticed about old men. Not only are they deceptively heavy, but hopelessly proud as well. I just hope age is kind to me, and that I don't outlive everyone I love like Father Time seems to have done.

Snow Day in Seoul

2010-01-04T03:44:00.001-08:00

Some people ask if me if South Korea has winter, or gets much snow. Well, today was the biggest snowfall I've seen in Seoul so far. Last year there was a little bit of snow, but nothing like today. I'm no weatherman, but I'd say about 1m of snow blanketed the city. Just kidding. It was a lot though. According to the Korea Times, 25.7cm of snow fell today, which is the most in Seoul since 1937. Normally I don't believe anything I read in the Korea Times, but I'll trust them on this one. Tomorrow is going to be -12 or colder. This morning the snow was really coming down, and my bus took triple the usual time. I was thinking that back home we would have had a snow day for sure. However, my students use city transit or their feet rather than school buses , so there was no hope of the buses being canceled.

They actually had to get snow removal devices out, such as shovels and tractors.

My coworkers never miss a chance to ham it up for a photo - we were on our way to have some hot chocolate:

This was the result of a punier snowfall last week:

It was pretty beautiful when it was over. Everything was covered in snow. Walking was tough, and driving looks downright suicidal. Koreans do not seem very well equipped for snowfalls like this. I saw an old man this morning driving his scooter on a slushy/snow-covered road. He was struggling, to say the least. Just now I saw a teenager on his scooter with his girlfriend. He just about spilled it and killed them both. Then he carried on, skidding and sliding along the snowy street, with his feet skimming the ground for balance. Those scooters are not safe on a dry day, and I can't imagine why someone would be crazy enough to try to drive one in the mess out there today.

I also just saw a guy get his car stuck, as I peered down from the warmth of my apartment. He had been parked at a restaurant and a plow had filled in the area around his car with a snowbank. The poor guy tried rocking it and everything, but was hopelessly stuck. I was laughing watching him because there was a guy with a shovel clearing the sidewalk right beside him, doing nothing to help. I was starting to consider going down there to give him some good old fashioned Canadian advice on getting unstuck. I've had to help get a car unstuck a time or two, and a few times the car was my own. I think getting stuck is much more common back home, judging by the clueless efforts of this poor sap. Finally, after 10 minutes the guy yelled at shovel man to give him a hand. The teamwork paid off, and the car finally made it. However, his tires were so horrible that he was spinning in the street as well. Something tells me investing in winter tires is not normally required in Seoul.

The man with the shovel was involved in a rather shady process. A truck had been bringing snow from inside a building, and dumping it on the street. I presume the snow may have been from an open parking structure on top of the building. It's a bit of a mystery to me. In any case, the truck has pulled out of the building with a huge amount of snow piled off of the back, and poured it onto the street. The shovel man spread the snow out. Some went into the snowbank, and some out onto the street. No wonder the drivers are hating my road right now.

Well this was going on, a drunk was arguing with another man in front of a restaurant. The sober man wanted the drunk man to go home and stop trying to go inside the restaurant. The drunk man made some good points, such as "fuck you you son of a bitch", and "it's cold, you son of a bitch". My limited Korean language skills were more than adequate to understand him very clearly. For about 20 minutes they carried on. The sober guy kept grabbing the drunk guy when he tried to go near the restaurant, and attempted to push him down the street. At one point, the drunk man fell in the snow, and then I really heard him curse. A little while later, I heard some more yelling, and when I looked out I saw a cruiser. I think the police finally came and decided to move him down the street.

Christmas wasn't white this year in Seoul. In fact, it was kind of rainy all day. People asked me how Christmas is celebrated over here. A significant portion of the Korean population is Christian, so people do celebrate. It's much more low-key than Canadian Christmas though. Younger Koreans seem to approach it as a date day, from what I can gather. My friends and I made the best of being away from our families. We got together in the morning and had a classic breakfast: bacon, eggs, homefries, pancakes with maple syrup, and alcohol. We proceeded to exchange a few gifts, and play beer pong. The party moved to a foreigner bar where we played darts, Foosball and Wii. After having some dinner we were drunk enough to call it a day. It was a great Christmas, all things considered.

Here's our breakfast spread:

A Sunday in Seoul

2010-01-03T02:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I take the little things for granted. I only focus on the big things, or the particularly funny or crazy things. This year I figured I'd throw in a few stories about my daily life here, because a normal day here is nothing like a normal day back home, and sometimes I forget that simple fact.

So, here is a recap of my Sunday. This Sunday I had no hangover, and no ball hockey. Consequently, I wide awake by 8am, but had nothing to do. I decided to cook up a fried egg sandwich. I added cheese and a sprinkling of pepper. With my meal, I had a little orange, or clementine if you will. Breakfast was delicious. Breakfast is the one meal of the day where I never go Korean. I simply do not ever want rice, kimchi, or fish related products for breakfast. Neva eva eva. So, I stick to eggs, bacon where possible, cereal, fruits, and yogurt. Oh yeah, and toast. Tons of toast. Toast with peanut butter, toast with jam, toast with PB + J, and toast with sliced cheese (mmmm cheese dreams). I have a toaster oven thanks to some generous old neighbours of mine.

As I ate my breakfast and enjoyed a coffee, I also watched the Maple Leafs lose a pretty boring game against the Flames online. Some things never change, no matter how long you're gone. What a disappointing franchise. Today was only the 3rd or 4th time I've watched hockey since I've been here though, so I enjoyed it thoroughly despite the large amount of SUCK.

After breakfast, I messed around on the net until my food digested. Then I strolled over to the park and jogged the track 5 times. I did some chin-ups and stretching, and then did one more lap around the track. I'm training for next ball hockey season. Plus before you know spring rolls around, and I want to be able to embarrass my students at sports at will.

I showered after my pathetic workout session, and made my way to my favourite little coffee shop down the street. It's called "Coffee and Soul". The owner's nickname is "Soul". The slogan on his business card says "Good for the....Ok, I think you see where this is going. The owner may lack creativity in English, but the coffee shop is awesome. Great coffee, a nice mix of music, and the dude himself is pretty cool. He's always working on his English, which is funny because I'm normally studying my Korean book there.

After hitting up the "Coffee and Soul" and working on my Korean, I decided to try and get my trip organized for February. I'm going to Vietnam and Cambodia. I'll be over that way from Feb. 9th - Feb. 28th. I feel bad for my friends and family back home who have real jobs, and have to truck to work through the freezing cold every day in February. NOT!!! Haha, no, really, I'll think of you while I tour beaches and admire beautiful lands. I went to Itaewon, a popular spot for expats, and went to the English bookstore to get a Southeast Asia guidebook. I'm not making the mistake I made in Thailand last year. I'm going to plan at least a few stages of the trip ahead of time. I then went to a travel agency a friend had recommended. It's called Noble Travel. It was after five, but the place was open. I walked in and a young man stood up from his desk and came over to help me.

Me: Hi, I'm looking to book a flight to Vietnam in February.
Him [nodding]: You want to go on a trip? To Vietnam?
Me: Yes.
Him [I can see plainly by the look on his face that he doesn't want to go down this road this late in the day]: You want to book a flight now?
Me: Yes
Him: I'm sorry sir, we are closed, you'll have to come back tomorrow.

I just smiled, said "Okee" and left. I won't be going back there. Why not lock the door and kill the lights if you're closed? Alternatively, he could have just told me straight up that he was no longer working. I guess he was hoping I'd ask to buy a friggin' map or some friggin' thing with cash. That's right, I said "frig". I was choked with anger.

Feeling slighted, I sauntered back down "Hooker Hill" (there's a brothel or two on the same street), and got myself some Chicken Shawarma at this Turkish style place called "Mr. Kebab". It was pretty tasty, but not as legit as some other places I've had it. I then had a coffee in Dunkin' Donuts and looked at the Vietnam/Cambodia guidebook, which was exciting.

There's a look at a Sunday in Seoul. Before I go to bed, I need to practice Tae Kwon Do so I don't get beat by Master So tomorrow. Teaching English in Korea allows you to live a eclectic lifestyle, which is great. I tend to overlook what a crazy mixture of things I do during a regular day here. My life is a mix of things from back home, around the world, and of course, some very Korean things. Wow, for a teacher who condemns students for writing things, I'm quite the hypocrite. I just can't wait to go home so I can be THAT GUY at a party or bar. You know the guy. The guy who somehow ties everything back to "when I was in Korea, there was this crazy...", or "that reminds me of my vacation in Cambodia when I met those European...", or some stupid travel related story that nobody else really cares about but he just tells it anyway to impress the chick with the bangs who seems like she has big dreams but has yet to leave the country and so is the only person in the room finding him the least bit interesting. Yes, I have being him to look forward to.

Until next time!

End of the Year Staff Meeting

2009-12-28T03:47:00.000-08:00

I've written in the past that the my biggest challenge working at my school is the simple fact I have no idea what exactly I'm supposed to be doing there. Last year I had no textbook, and was just told to go in there and practice conversation. So, I made up random, normally unconnected lesson plans and winged it. This year I had a textbook to use for conversation points and topics. That made things a little easier, but I still had real direction from my bosses. Plus students glaze over when I mention the textbook. Some weeks I put in time making the best lesson possible. Other weeks I pulled something off the internet and hoped for the best. Ironically, sometimes the thrown together lessons are the most effective. In any case, I've realized that just going to class and getting students to practice a few conversation points, learn a bit about other cultures, and stay conscious is probably what success is in my job.

Nonetheless, I went into our end of the year staff meeting with 5 pages of notes of suggestions for next year. To sum up, I suggested focusing my time on one grade so students might have enough time (and review) with me to actually improve. I also suggested having specific goals, that my co-teachers and I would decide together. I should add at this point that I was in a bit of an inspired frenzy thanks to New Year's Resolution Syndrome, a co-teaching workshop, and a my one recent success teaching an after school essay writing class. My other suggestions included having a class management strategy that all of my co-teachers would be supportive of, and having my class worth something meaningful (currently, students have 3 marks out of 100 on their exam based on my class).

The staff meeting gave me an opportunity to voice my opinions. A man who seems to wield a lot of power in the English department is a teacher I call Makgeolli Man. Makgeolli is a kind of Korean rice wine. Makgeolli Man tells me he drinks it from the time he gets home until the time he goes to sleep. At lunch, he once told me he doesn't eat much because of drinking Makgeolli the previous night. Anyway, the entire staff meeting can be summed up in a brief exchange between myself and Makgeolli Man.

Me: So what is my purpose this year. What are the specific goals for my class?
MM: Well, Shawn, you are here to give students a chance to talk with foreigner.

Oh, well, gee thanks tips. Now I know exactly what to do from week to week. Basically he said I shouldn't try to teach serious things because students will just tune out. On the plus side, this year it looks like I'll have my own classroom, 3 co-teachers rather than 8, and I'll no longer see students every two weeks. I see every student once a week. That last point is a huge relief. Seeing students twice a month maximum is depressing. I'm at the mercy of 36 Korean teenagers who know my class is a joke. That, my faithful readers, is a terrible set of circumstances to be in. In the new system, I see potential for getting a basic system in place before I abandon the school forever next September. Worst case scenario, I figure if the students and I have fun, and everybody learns even ONE thing, the year can be considered a win.

Anyway, that's enough talking about my job. Wow is it boring. The staff dinner was much more entertaining. Makgeolli Man kept us entertained by ordering about 10 bottles of rice wine during dinner. At least 5 of those were consumed by him. He can handle his liquor though, and he just turns a bit red and tells lots of stories. He also passes on his wisdom to me. We talked about marriage, health, and happiness. He also reminded me for the 100th time that North Americans are usually "too busy" to talk to him when he travels there, which he finds upsetting.

Mr. Bean, and older teacher who bears a striking resemblance to the lovable character who brightened my youth, did not let me down either. We asked each other random questions about language. He asked me about common English expressions, and I asked him about Korean. He also spent most of the meeting farting audibly. The rest of us politely pretended not to notice, although I'm sure he does not care at this point in his life.

Towards the end of the meeting, I had my palm read by a co-teacher. Apparently I am going to be a "government man". She was quite certain about this, and was beaming about it. I'm not sure if she was beaming because she is proud of her palm reading ability, or because she thought she was being the bearer of good news. I wonder if I'll end up in politics, teaching, or cutting grass for the City of Kawartha Lakes...I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Happy New Year Everybody!

The Jackrabbits

2009-12-26T05:49:00.000-08:00

This fall I entered my third season in the CBHK (Canada Ball Hockey in Korea). This ball hockey league has grown to an 8 team league, with over 100 members. Most of us are Canadians of course, along with some Americans, Aussies, Brits, and absolutely no pure Koreans. Koreans watch with bemusement, but to date no Korean hockey players have had the desire to play hockey with a bunch of hungover Canadians, some of whom enjoy playing shirtless (when they definitely should not).

Each season teams are drafted from scratch, because with people going in and out of Korea all the time it would be hard to keep the same teams. This year I was drafted by the Jackrabbits. When I first saw the roster I thought we had a decent team, so I was excited about the year. I was a little apprehensive about our captain though. He's been known to take ball hockey very seriously. Kind of life or death seriously. Consequently, he's been known to yell at his own teammates and even killed a man once. Off the rink he's the nicest guy in the league.

So the season started off horribly. We got embarrassed our first two games. I said I had never had so little fun playing ball hockey. Our captain was beside himself. He was thinking he'd drafted a bunch of losers, including me. We looked like the Mighty Ducks in their "District 5" stage (foreshadow alert). I was just plain awful.

Our bad start continued past the halfway point of the season. Worse, I was demoted from the top line because I had no finish. I couldn't score to save my life. I'd either miss the net or shoot right into the goalie, if I even got a shot off at all. I was becoming a notorious "unfinisher", because I was the guy who could somehow manage to mess up an easy tap-in. One game our captain had all our team's goals. After scoring, he celebrated by yelling "Now someone else fucking score!". Too make matters worse, we lost DK, a great player and the heart and Seoul of our team, when he left Korea midseason.

Ironically, that's exactly what sparked our turnaround. You see, our crafty captain managed to convince the other captains to let him pick up this new guy to replace DK. The new guy turned out to be a bit of a ringer. This new guy and I started getting playing time together on the second line. We developed instant chemistry, on and off the rink. Anyway, I digress.

So my new line-mates and I finally came together at the end of the season. Our Jekyll and Hyde captain had a change of heart. He turned into a big lovable teddy bear. One day he brought candies and lollipops to a game to reward us for a goal or assist. Another day he brought donuts, and yet another, soda. He reinvented himself and became a positive captain, constantly giving us encouragement without curse words. It worked. Our team won 5 straight games to finish the season, and in our last two games I got my scoring touch back. I lit up the other team and had 7 points in 2 games (foreshadow alert).

In the playoffs, we got off to a good start. We won our first game 3-1. We then hung on to shut down the top offensive line in the league and win 1-0. We were shocked to find ourselves in a great position to win the tournament. We'd have to lose twice to be eliminated, and win just once to get through to the final. In the semi final, it happened. I began making my mark as a legend in the CBHK. First, I set up my linemate with two amazing passes. The crowd was getting on our sides - we were the underdogs. Then got behind the defense and took a breakaway pass. The crowd held its breath. Normally this was when I'd choke and blow my chance. Instead, I faked the goalie and waited patiently until I was almost at the goal line, and roofed it over the sprawling tender. The crowd went wild. We went on to win, and that goal turned out to be the game winner.

We had done it. We were somehow going to be in the final, after being the joke of the league for much of the season. In the final, we picked up where we left off. The third guy on my line blew through the D on a solo mission and buried a goal to get us going. I helped get the ball up to him and picked up an assist. Then my bromance line-mate won a race for the ball and centered the ball to me. I put my head down, one-timed it, and prayed. Money! Blew it by the goalie bottom right. A few minutes later, we brought the house down. A guy on are team who named himself "Nutsack" was out playing with me. He's kind of been a project this year. He has little experience playing ball hockey so we've been watching him get better each week. Anyway, I had a two on one with him. I decided to have faith in him and passed it to him, despite his tendency for being unable to handle a pass. He fumbled it, recovered, and passed it right back. I roofed it top corner. The crowd was going crazy. Two guys who never finish had just made a beautiful play.

After that, I got a breakaway. I actually missed, but kept the play alive and the ball bounced right onto the stick of my teammate, who scored. I was jacked at this point. The crowd started chanting my name "Therien, Therien!". It was unreal. We won the championship. In the last two games I had 7 points. 2 game winning goals. I only had 8 goals and 22 points in 20 regular season games. The league decided to give me playoff MVP. My name is on a plaque in Big Rock, the bar that sponsors our league. I am a legend. My ball hockey prowess is immortalized in Korea. Until the league disbands or Big Rock goes out of business. Rumours circulated about me doing practicing at my apartment, doing steroids, and even sacrificing a virgin. I think winning this championship and getting MVP is the crowning sports moment of my life so far. That's right, winning at recreational ball hockey is tops for me. I don't know whether that is incredibly sad or incredibly awesome. I think it's a bit of both, depending how you look at it.

Celebrating the big win:

Me and my boys:

The Fall 2009 Jackrabbits:

Us with the silverware - the plaque on the right is mine:

Getting the trophy:

Christmas Lesson

2009-12-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

This week I was playing this game I stole I mean borrowed from an ESL website I learned about at my orientation last year. The game is called Top 5. You give the students a category, and they have to think of the top 5 most popular answers associated with that topic. So basically the ESL website stole the concept from Family Feud. Anyway, you lie to the students and tell them the answers are from a survey. In actuality you make them up and change them on a daily basis just for kicks. It takes a round or two before the students really get a feel for the game, but they get pretty excited once they get a handle on it.

Anyway, here is a sample of the responses I got this week. The categories were all related to Christmas.

Symbols of Christmas (Answers: Jesus, Santa, Rudolph, Christmas Tree, Stocking)

Student Response:

1) God (When they saw the Jesus answer, they insisted God and Jesus were "same same")
2) Santa (Correct!)
3) 루돌프 (Students had a tough time spelling Rudolph, and reverted back to Korean)
4) Kebin (Kevin from Home Alone)
5) Socks (Students laugh when I say stockings, because they think of what women wear with skirts)

McDelivery!

2009-12-14T04:02:00.000-08:00

That's right folks. Korea has McDonald's delivery. McDelivery is one of the first things I noticed here, so it only took me a year and a half to post about it. Not bad, eh? Anyway, these scooters will rip you a piping hot Big Mac even if they have to drive on sidewalks and terrorize pedestrians to do so. I suppose this isn't news to anyone living in Asia, but I've never seen these in Fenelon Falls, that's for sure. I've yet to call the McDelivery service, because I fear it would be a slippery slope into obesity. I plan to do it once before I leave just for novelty's sake.

In other news, stay tuned this week for the epic tale of my season in the CBHK (Canada Ball Hockey in Korea). The Jackrabbit's journey is a tale of redemption and glory. I will not say more until I have the photo evidence.

Updates

2009-12-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

This week was exam week at my school. The fall semester seems to have some form of test every week, which results in me not having to teach. This week I had to plan my winter camp though, so I wasn't watch the clock as much as usual. This year I'm teaching a camp on survival English for traveling in North America. Should be decent.

I saw something in class recently that was so brilliant in its simplicity that I had to mention it. One day my co teacher had written a bunch of exam information on the blackboard. Most students ignored it until she pointed it out at the end of the class. Where stupid people like me would be scrambling furiously to copy the stuff down, one student walked calmly to the blackboard, opened her cell phone, and snapped a picture. She then texted the image to her friends. I would never think of something like that. I guess students have probably been doing that for years now, since I also saw an infant on a cell this week. This was one of the first times I've felt technologically impaired. My dad even has Facebook now, so I think I'm starting to fall behind both the young and the old.

I'll follow that stroke of genius up with a stroke of stupidity. One student sent a text to his entire class at 2 am. He somehow made it seem like his teacher had sent it. The text basically said "anyone still up studying (at 2am) will get a juicebox and a snack if they text me back now". Needless to say, the teacher woke up to a string of text messages in the middle of the night. The student quickly confessed when the teacher threatened to punish the entire class. Idiot.

Tomorrow is the big ball hockey championship tournament. Fighting, Jackrabbits!

K-pop!

2009-12-08T03:44:00.000-08:00

It recently occurred to me that I somehow failed to share any K-pop with you folks at home. We only get exposed to terrible Western pop songs and vids, so I thought I'd show you the terrible pop songs and vids of Korea. Some of them are catchy, and the videos are hilarious. The use of English ranges from questionable to completely nonsensical, which I find amusing. Enjoy!

Here is a recent hit "I Don't Care" by 2NE1 (That translates to 21 in case you missed it). Like all K-pop songs, the English chorus gets stuck in my head for days, pushing me to the brink of sanity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MgAxMO1KD0

These next two were huge when I got here, and remained huge for about 8 solid months. When something gets popular here, you hear it OFTEN. It's the same back home, but overplaying is even more intense here. The first one is "Nobody" by the Wondergirls, who also released the song in English and hit up the States. The second one is "U Go Girl" buy Hyori. It has a classic video, which was in fact the first music video I ever saw in Korea. I'll never forget it. Especially the crazy Konglish phone conversation interlude in the middle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74z3kiJzkLw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAXBKhaX7D4

Finally, here's a couple of K-pop boy bands for the ladies.

"Sorry Sorry" by Super Junior:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6QA3m58DQw&feature=fvst

"Lollipop" with Big Bang and 2NE1.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIRW_elc-rY

Hope you like colourful outfits and cutesy poses!

Photo of the Week: Fall Hike

2009-11-30T01:16:00.000-08:00

Random Update

2009-11-24T05:13:00.000-08:00

So this morning I was reading the English paper and an article was entitled "Man Caught for Stealing Female Underwear". Then when I read what followed, and the article was about a man fined for talking on a cellphone while driving his cab. No mention of underwear! Ha!! What a misleading editing mistake! According to the comments it had been a whole day they hadn't fixed it yet. Can you believe it?!? It's fixed now though so the jokes over. I hope the new guy didn't lose his job over it.

While we're are sort of on the subject of Korean cab drivers, I had an interesting cab ride home from school the other day. I hopped in and the driver, who was in his 50s or 60s, began chattering at me immediately. I focused hard to see if I could pick out anything he was saying. Suddenly I realized he was speaking English in an odd sort of accent, different from any Korean accent I've ever heard. He asked me some standard questions, like "what are you doing in Korea?", and "how long have you been here?", and I told him.

Then he asked me where I was from. When I said I was from Canada, and near Toronto, he began rattling off geographical facts about Canada. He traced his way from Toronto to Niagara, and then across the border to Buffalo. Listing off more facts than I know about my own surrounding area, he began to gain momentum. He talked about New York city, mapping it out its different areas as he spoke: Queen's, The Bronx, and so on. He then asked me where I'd been in the States. When I mentioned Florida, he prattled off more facts, informing me that Jacksonville was the biggest city (in land area). I later checked that fact and the Internet appeared to confirm he was indeed correct.

Figuring he had been educated someplace abroad or had an important job earlier in his life, I asked him how he knew so much, and how his English was so good. He told me he learned himself, starting with English conversation books and tapes. Apparently he devoured 12 of them. When he was young, he had to work selling cold water on the street to support himself. In his down time, he studied. On rainy days, he went to the "cheap" theater, and watched old English movies. He knew all the old American legends, such as John Wayne, Clark Gable, and Marilyn Monroe. His memory was amazing. He just talked and talked, without slowing down, dropping name after name. Another list included all of his favourite English pop songs and singers.

In what seemed like 10 seconds we were already at my stop. I thanked him and he said "God bless you, and enjoy your life in Korea", and off I went. These kinds of random encounters are one of the things I really love about traveling. I can't help wondering how and why this brilliant, friendly man has spent his life working jobs such as a water salesman and a cab driver. I wish I could have just went and had a beer with him, so he could fill me in on all the random experiences he had in between those two jobs.

My First Korean Wedding

2009-11-21T03:42:00.000-08:00

I was finally invited to a Korean wedding on a day when I had no previous engagements this month. I was excited to actually experience what weddings are like here. Here is a recap of the wedding:

One day, a gym teacher at my school (who speaks almost no English) approached me and a co teacher of mine. He said "Hi, how do you do?", and preceded to talk to my co teacher in Korean for a few minutes while holding my arm. My name was mentioned several times. I then learned he was extending an invitation for me to attend his daughter's wedding. Oddly enough, I had actually met his daughter and her fiance when he invited me over for a traditional Korean dinner with his family last year. I wanted to go, and definitely did not want to decline to his face, so I said yes.

I was lucky enough to run into my old boss on the way to the wedding, which began at 11:20 am on a Saturday. I was grateful I did not have to walk into the wedding alone. The wedding hall was jammed with people. At first I thought they were all here for the same reason I was, but would later realize otherwise. We walked inside and milled about, talking to the people we knew. The hall had more than five floors, and was pretty chaotic.

On the first floor, we saw a flat screen TV with the schedule for the day. It was a packed schedule. I noticed the gym teacher's name was next to the first floor, so we walked into the chapel. Each of us was issued a ticket for the buffet lunch. I was then ushered over to a counter and given a white envelope and a pen. I had been warned about this custom. Basically, many Koreans invite everyone they know or are acquainted with to the wedding. Each person gives some money in a white envelope. The closer you are to the couple, the more you give. This system is designed to help with the cost of the wedding. I had only met them once, so I gave the customary 30 000 Won, or about 25 bucks.

I then stood there chatting with coworkers. The actual chapel itself was sectioned of with a glass partition. People close to the family were inside sitting on the pews. Others were outside, waiting to watch the proceedings through the glass. After about 15 minutes, I realized the wedding had actually been underway since I had contributed my white envelope. I might have missed the beginning because I don't speak Korean well enough to hear Korean announcements, but it seemed like nobody outside was all that interested. I guess that's what happens when anyone and everyone you know comes to your wedding.

The ceremony was also being filmed, so you could watch it close up on a flat screen TV in the outer area. The bride was in a Western white wedding gown. There were some women in traditional Korean attire (Hanboks) as well. Most Koreans who are religious these days are Christian, so the whole affair had a familiar atmosphere in some respects. Suddenly, my old boss informed me he was going up to the buffet lunch. I had heard some people just go to the wedding, eat food, and leave, so I wasn't too surprised. It still seemed odd though, with him leaving in the middle of the ceremony to beat the rush. In what I called "the batter's box", another bride was being prepared for her wedding, within plain site of our wedding party. The entire experience reminded me of a Vegas wedding chapel you see in movies and on TV. It was such a business!

The ceremony ended. I stayed the entire time (25 whole minutes, and yes I'm serious!). Then we made our way up to the buffet. At the buffet, there must have been 200 people at least, but I really have no idea. The line was pretty intense, and old ladies were pushing and shoving. One cut in front of me, and another literally grabbed a spoon right out of my hand before I was finished loading some meat onto my plate. I held my tongue though, because a fight with an old lady is a fight you've lost before it's begun.

30 minutes later, we were full. We left the wedding, saying goodbye to the gym teacher on the way out, and went home.

The wedding was sort of rushed and impersonal. Some of the Koreans at the wedding with me said the wedding hall was larger than usual, and that it was a larger than average wedding, which explains the cold, businesslike atmosphere.

It was kind of similar to a wedding back home, but much faster. I wish that all weddings back home could quick and painless (to attend). However, I do like a good wedding reception. Instead, I was home at 1pm. For my own wedding, I would want things a little more intimate. I don't want to see another bride warming up while I'm saying I do. That's just weird.

Photo of the Week: Incheon Fish Market

2009-11-19T06:18:00.001-08:00

Earlier this fall, I took a trip to Bucheon and Incheon. My camera died in Bucheon, so I missed out on pictures of my experience/dinner at this Incheon fish market. Recently my most trusty coworker provided me with her pictures from the fishmarket that day. Through the following images, you can follow the journey of these sea creatures from the massive rows of dead or live products, to our very own dinner plates. I apologize in advance to those close to me who this may repulse.

Short Guys are Losers!

2009-11-12T06:08:00.000-08:00

I don't normally bother commenting much on Korean news unrelated to teaching, but a pretty funny story has the country buzzing and I couldn't resist. There is this show called "Misuda", where they gather a panel of good looking foreign women who speak Korean to talk with Koreans.

The other day a Korean girl on the show basically said that she doesn't date short dudes because they are losers. Apparently only tall men can be winners in this day and age. My co teacher told me the girl said only dates men who are over 180cm. That's funny, because I'm a cm or two over 180 and I'm still a bit of a loser. I guess I'm cutting it too close.

The poor thing has since been the target of Internet and media backlash. People found out who she is, where she goes to school, and she is now being harassed and stalked. Apparently people are posting updates of her whereabouts online. Some are putting up posters and graffiti insulting her and/or making fun of her comments. I don't know what is more ridiculous - her stupid remarks or people actually getting so worked up about it that they attack her personally. Not the brightest comment on her part though. You should really think before you speak on national television. I know plenty of cool short people. They have big personalities.

UPDATE: I just found a full writeup of the story here. It confirms most of the gossip I've heard at school, and is definitely good for a laugh. In the girl's defense, it does say the short guys are "losers" comment was part of a script written by the show.

It took all of 5 seconds for someone to remark that her tirade against short people provoked Kim Jon Il into sending boats into South Korean territory this week, causing the exchange of fire that was in the news. Now that's comedy.

People from home always ask me if I feel like a giant over here. While I sometimes feel a little taller than I would at home, Koreans are not all that short. There are even many male students at my school who are as tall or taller than I am. Actually, according to a chart on Wikipedia, Koreans are 0.5cm taller than Canadians on average. The only problem I have with that is Korean means Korean people and Canadian means people from all over the world. The chart does show that Chinese and Japanese people are notably shorter than Koreans on average, so I suppose maybe that's where the notion that all Asians are small comes from.

Enough horribly researched talk about height. To get back to this "Misuda" show, this isn't the first time a girl has gotten some bad press for comments on the show. One Western girl criticized the absurd number of geeky white English teachers who date gorgeous Korean girls here with no remorse. A true gentleman would say "Sorry, you are too pretty for ugly, nerdy old me...you only want to date me because I'm different and because dating you will give you free English practice". What's funny is that her comments insulted not only the nerdy, exploitative white guys, but the attractive Korean girls who date them as well. Her comments implied that either these girls are conniving bitches out to get free English lessons, or they are naive airheads, too dumbfounded by mysterious white guys to realize which ones are actually "good enough" to date.

In conclusion, I think shallow people are losers, but maybe I shouldn't make such sweeping generalizations.

Photo of the Week: Pepero Day

2009-11-11T05:33:00.000-08:00

Today might be Remembrance Day back home, but not in South Korea. Here today happens to be Pepero. What is Pepero Day you ask? Pepero Day is a consumer holiday like Valentine's day, except it's even more obvious.

You see, Pepero is a stick shaped cookie, usually covered in chocolate, and is manufactured by a huge corporation here called Lotte (Lotte has their hands in everything, including theatres, grocery stores, department stores, water and even cookies). It can have nuts on it, or be strawberry flavoured instead. Sometimes the chocolate is on the inside. Those gems are called "nude", apparently. So anyway, there are all these different flavours of cookie sticks.

On November 11th, the month and year (four ones: 11/11) kinda looks like four sticks of Pepero lined up. Therefore, it is a logical day to celebrate these cookies. Wikipedia, the reliable source of my diligent research, says there is a rumour that "Pepero Day was started in 1994 by students at a girls' middle school in Busan, where they exchanged Pepero sticks as gifts to wish one another to grow 'as tall and slender as a Pepero' ". In my cynical opinion, that story was invented by Lotte, who sell 55% worth of their total sales of these freakin' Pepero things in the month November alone. Over half of their sales from this product come in the month Pepero day is on. Genius. Coldhearted corporate genius.

At school friends exchange Pepero, and so do high school sweethearts. A few students give some to their teachers as well. Below is a picture of a pretty badass box of giant ones I received this year, and some regular little ones beside the box. The classy box was my reward for editing a student's practice essays in my spare time. Sweet deal!

Today I tried to explain what November 11th means in Canada. The students just glared at me. Their eyes said "shut the hell up and give me some Pepero, you furry, foreign son of a BITCH!!!". I obliged. You don't want to mess with 40 kids jacked up on chocolate cookie sticks, and that's a fact.

November 12, 2009

2009-11-10T01:45:00.000-08:00

On November 12th in South Korea, things are going to get a little tense. Police and emergency vehicles will be on standby. Civil servants will go to work later than usual. Flights in and out of Seoul will operate on a special schedule. South Koreans will be praying to whichever almighty spirit gives them hope.

Why you ask? Are North Korea and South Korea about to resume fighting? Is Kim Jong Il flying in to discuss the shootout between those two boats this morning? Are Foreign English teachers rioting in the streets?

No, calm down. It's just the KSAT (Korean College Scholastic Ability Test). The emergency vehicles will be on standby to rush late students to their exams. Civil servants will leave an hour later "to help reduce traffic volume in the morning" and help ensure people get to the test on time.

In addition, flight "takeoffs and landings will be banned between 8:40 a.m. to 8:53 a.m. and 1:10 p.m. to 1:30p.m., during which Korean and English listening tests are to be held, and the use of car horns will not be allowed within 200 meters of testing sites" (emphasis mine).

Finally, the prayers will be from parents and grandparents, who have spent countless years and Won preparing their offspring for this monumental exam. Last year I saw hundreds of pieces of paper on string at a temple on a mountain. These were special prayers from families for the students in their families to succeed on the exam.

Today I got the 411 on this exam from a co teacher at school. She explained that the intense competition for university spots, a fear of corruption, and a quest for absolute fairness have transformed this exam into one of the most hardcore exam days imaginable.

According to her, test writers are holed up in a secret location, like sequestered jurors, while they write the test. The test is then protected by some form of special security until judgment day. The test day only happens once a year, with no exceptions. Everybody writes the same test, at the same time. The test is meant to be completely objective, with everybody having exactly the same opportunity to get through the test. I think people would start killing each other in the streets if anyone suspected a student somehow cheated, or a test question somehow left room for subjectivity on the part of the test graders.

If a student is in the hospital unable to write, while that's just their tough luck. They can write it the following year, put their life on hold, and jeopardize their chances of doing anything better than driving a delivery scooter. My co teacher said she prays something so tragic as an illness will not affect any of her children on their exam days (this happens to be her elder daughter's exam year, so she's freaking out a little).

Coordinating the entire nation on test day, special flight schedules, and executing the top secret exam writing operation is apparently quite expensive, as can be imagined. The cost of the exam is another reason for allowing only one shot at the exam per year.

Honestly, this exam is probably one of the wildest aspects of living/teaching here. The entire education system is geared towards getting students though this one exam. I hardly ever see the students who are in their final year of high school. They are constantly studying. Private institutes make a fortune prepping students for the test. There is an obsession with getting an edge, writing the perfect test, and getting into a good school.

I know some people have that competitive, "top school/top program" type mentality in Canada as well. However, I can honestly say I've never experienced any form of pressure or stress as brutal as this must be. Students really think if they do not do well, their lives will be over. It is no secret that each year one or more students commit suicide after the exam, without ever seeing their test scores. That is both sad and scary to me. Given the number of people in this country though, one slip may truly be all it takes to fall behind in the race forever.

I have no real judgments or opinions on this system, as I've still yet to fully wrap my head around it. Obviously I think they could make the exam less stressful for the students, and I believe it is kind of ridiculous to place so much importance on one test. A test should not define a persons life. As a Canadian student, however, I think we could use a little more pressure back home. I feel like I floated through high school, and yet I still got into university no problem. I never felt any pressure until I started demanding more of myself, finally, at age 20. I don't know what the best school system is. The only thing I can say for certain is I wish the students good luck on Thursday.

Foonotes:
1) Quotes are from this article in The Korea Times.
2) Yes, I did say "I got the 411" in this post. What of it? Ok...I'm deeply sorry.

Blackout Korea

2009-11-09T05:47:00.000-08:00

In Korea, people pass out in public kind of frequently. I've mentioned in the past how I've seen men out cold on the sidewalk during a Tuesday walk to work at 7:30 am. That soju'll murder you if you aren't careful. In a country where you can drink at a bar until 5am any day of the week, and buy booze for just over a dollar at a convenience store at any time, it's really not a surprising phenomenon.

I've never had the heart or the guts to take a picture of one of these soju warriors, but luckily I don't have to. There is a site dedicated to capturing this little quirk in Korean drinking culture.

Check it out. You might have to scroll down to see the pictures because there's some weird YouTube post at the top right now:

http://www.blackoutkorea.com/

At first I felt hesitant to share this aspect of what one of my co teachers refers to as "Ugly Korea" (she used that term to describe any behaviour Koreans worry about foreigners seeing). However, the other night I was watching TV and a Korean show that had the word "News" in the title was actually just a highlight reel of drunk American college kids doing stupid things. I then realized different cultures have always laughed at one another, and probably always will. There's nothing mean spirited about it; it's all in good fun. At the same time, I can't help but thinking some of the dudes in the pictures probably wouldn't be too happy to know they've been captured unconscious on camera and had their images posted on the web...

What Teaching in Seoul has Taught me About my Appearance

2009-11-06T04:40:00.000-08:00

Korean students are not afraid to call 'em how the see 'em. I've blogged in the past about how brutal they can be when describing their classmates (much like Canadian students). I'm not immune to the brutal honesty of my students. Whenever a student does make fun of me, I react with either mock outrage or mock sadness. For whatever reason, my reactions amuse the little jerks to no end.

So what have I learned about myself?

1) I am very furry. I've always known I'm a little hairier than the average person. In a shirts vs. skins game, I'm on the shirts team no matter what. However, moving to Seoul has made me feel like some kind of monster. Every time I go to help a student at their desk in a short sleeved shirt, the student will ignore what I am saying. This is because they are memorized, fascinated, and disgusted by my arm hair. Inevitably, the student will let out an "Oh!", eyes wide with surprise, and reach out to touch the mysterious growth that covers my forearms. "Shawn Teacher! Furry! So Furry!". For whatever reason, Korean students do not learn the word "hairy". Either that, or they think I am more of an animal than a human being. It doesn't help that Korean men my age have basically no body hair. Much to my relief, the students were excited last week because they found a kid who had some visible arm hair.

2) I have a McDonald's head. The sketching ability of Korean students is insane. I swear it seems 95% of Korean students can draw amazing pictures/cartoons. One coteacher told me this is because private schools have drawing contests for students periodically, so kids hone their skills with hopes of winning those. Anyway, they've all discovered that if they start drawing cartoons of me with just the right M, they can capture my receding hairline perfectly. To perfect the likeness, they are sure to add what I like to call my "11am shadow". Despite the fact I shave every morning, I've had a permanent shadow since age 17.

3) I have a huge freakishly huge nose. I have a slightly big nose, but when Korean students look at me they see a ski slope that takes up half my face.

4) I have big eyes and beautiful lashes. My cartoon eyes are always huge and dark, with feminine lashes. A McDonald's hairline, giant nose, facial hair, and big beautiful puppy dog eyes. This is my face.

5) I look like: In the beginning, students wanted to get on my good side, so they always compared me to celebrities. Lately they've become a little more comfortable, and the truth is coming out. I've drawn comparisons to a turkey, a pumpkin, and Mr. Bean, to name a few. Stupid Halloween/Thanksgiving lessons...

All of this really makes me doubt anybody at school truly thinks I am "handsome" after all.

I'm Back

2009-10-31T04:48:00.001-07:00

I got my new laptop today (on credit), so I'm back in the blogging game.

I'm officially abandoning the photo a day for a year, because I am a quitter. Anyone who knows me knows that. The good news is I will continue with a photo a week instead, and I'll go back to writing posts. Who was I kidding? I'm no photographer.

In the spirit of Halloween, I have a Halloween teaching story. I was teaching students a lesson about (you guessed it) Halloween the other day. In one part of the lesson, I had them tell me things they're afraid of.

In my basic class, one student wrote "I'm afraid of cat". Normally I don't like to correct students for every little thing because I don't want them to become too shy from embarrassment to participate. However, this girl is confident and eager to learn, so I decided to explain her mistake.

Shawn: You should say "I'm afraid of cats". "I'm afraid of cat makes it sound like you are only afraid of one cat. Cat is singular, it means one. Cats is plural, it means more than one.

Student (eyes wide with sincerity and fear): But Shawn, one cat scary too!!!

I lost my shit when she said that. It was even funnier because this is a high school girl, not a little kid. After I finished laughing I explained she should say "cats" to express that she is afraid of cats in general. Once she got it she thought it was pretty funny too.

Teaching is so awesome. Some of the time, anyway...

Broken Laptop

2009-10-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

My laptop took a nasty tumble in my apartment the other day. The screen is now pretty mangled, the USB ports don't work, and it would cost about as much to fix it as it would to buy a new one. So, until I buy my new one the photos are going to have to be put on hold.

I'll continue taking pictures, but am seriously thinking about reducing the photos to one a week. I'm thinking one a week will lead to higher quality photos and more time for me to write a few posts. I'm also thinking it would a bit of a cop out. I'd like to keep it going just to say I did it. Who am I kidding though, I've already had to cheat multiple times. Any thoughts?

Photo a Day # 43: Laundry Day

2009-10-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

This is my little washing machine/dryer. My boss showed me how to use this once, and I memorized the sequence (the buttons are in Korean) immediately. My boss seemed very impressed. I used this same sequence for a long time, until I realized this machine could clean my clothes in 56 minutes instead of several hours. I've yet to summon the kahunas to use the dryer. Friends of mine have used the dryer only to turn out blankets with holes or burns in them. I've always been a hanger myself. It's cheaper and better for the environment. Plus if you leave the window open the breeze makes your laundry smell fresh for free!

The praises I've received for remembering how to use this machine were the beginning of a trend. My Korean colleagues have rained undue compliments upon me for my attempts at planning lessons, my attempts at using metal chopsticks, my attempts to use the subway alone, my attempts to speak Korean, and my attempts to eat spicy Korean food. I know I am nothing special for developing the aforementioned skills I have been commended for, but I still enjoy the positive encouragement. In reality, I feel I should be far more fluent in the Korean language after an entire year. I'd like to think I'm ok at the rest of the things on that list though.

Photo a Day # 42: Maxim Coffee

2009-10-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

Maxim instant coffee is all the rage in Seoul these days. The moment I arrived at orientation last fall, I was presented with these little packets of coffee and sugar on an hourly basis. There are also water coolers everywhere in the city because some people don't think the tap water is safe. As a result, you can pretty much use the hot button on a water cooler to brew up a Maxim anytime, anywhere.

I started out having one in the morning at work. Gave me a little boost. Then it was two. When I hit seven per day the mood swings, depression, and violence kicked in. After the intervention, I learned to moderate my Maxim drinking a little bit more. Instead, I mix it up by stopping for a coffee at Dunkin Donuts every now and then.

Sidenote: Some of my Korean friends swear that certain people can make things like instant coffee or instant noodles better than other people. I guess some people just have that instinct. You know, the one that kicks in and tells you when you have enough water, if it's hot enough, etc.

Photo a Day # 41: The Wackiness of Gangnam

2009-10-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

Matching Game: Match the picture to the appropriate answer below.

a) Connect 400
b) "Don't drink at work" ad.
c) Coach
d) Poor choice of words.
e) Huh?

Photo a Day # 40: Dinner at the Hilton

2009-10-11T05:31:00.000-07:00

Photo a Day # 39: Video Intercom

2009-10-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

They don't mess around here at Noble Castle (the name of my building). This video intercom allows me to see who's ringing my doorbell. No salespeople or religious fanatics can trap me. I just get all quiet if it's somebody I don't want to talk to.

Photo a Day # 38: School Gym

2009-10-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

Photo a Day # 37: The Pinnacle of Coolness

2009-10-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

Whenever somebody buys a car here, they seem to leave this little blue pieces of foam on until they fall off on their own. Isn't it the coolest? Nothing sexier than rolling up in a sweet new whip with the foam still on it. Shows how fresh it is, and reduces the risk of scratching those new doors. Chicks dig responsible guys.

On another note, people who buy new cars bring gifts for everyone at the school. To me that is bizarre, considering a new car must be a little hard on the bank. Apparently it's the polite thing to do though, or something. I still don't totally understand why. If anyone knows, I'd love to hear it.

Photo a Day # 36: My Desk

2009-10-11T04:47:00.000-07:00

Here's where the magic happens. I pull lesson plans out of thin air at this desk. Then I type them on that laptop. Occasionally I also water that plant.

Photo a Day # 35: Recruiting Brochure

2009-10-07T03:15:00.000-07:00

Here is the recruiting magazine my public high school made. Apparently students will now have choice as to what public high school they will attend. I think my school may be stuck with the lazy students who live close. I can't see anyone choosing our school, unless they are blinded by this amazing brochure or the video students also put me in. As you can see below, I am featured in the brochure interacting with students in a natural, unforced way....

Anyway, come to Comfortable Nowon!

Photo a Day # 34: Learning Korean

2009-10-07T03:01:00.000-07:00

I've been dabbling at learning Korean while I've been here, but it's been pretty weak. I'd like to be taking a course, but it's kind of tough to commit to Tae Kwon Do, Korean lessons, AND ball hockey. I'd just be spreading myself to thin. I'm looking at getting private lessons near my house or school though. If so, I think I'll progress quickly. I do know how to say "this is a room" pretty well now though. My coteachers say my speaking and writing remind them of a baby learning to speak and write. On a positive note, they frequently compliment my pronunciation after I've learned something new. Just humouring me you say? Possibly. What of it?

Photo a Day # 33: Snackin

2009-10-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

If I feel like chips of the Doritos variety, I sometimes grab a bag of Do Do Han Nachyo Oleegeenol Flavour Chips. I might choose to wash it down with a Chilsung Saeeda (cider: like Sprite). The chips are no Doritos, but they are close enough when I have a chip craving. The "cider" is good stuff.

Photo a Day # 32: The Seoul Zoo

2009-10-07T02:47:00.000-07:00

These are just a few from the Seoul Zoo. There were beaaars, giraaaaffes, oooostriches and I got to pet a kangaroooo!!!! I like the zoo.

Photo a Day # 31: Muiddo

2009-10-04T05:32:00.000-07:00

I went to this island on the weekend. It is about 10 minutes from the Incheon Airport. You can get here for less than 10 bucks. You can stay in a hut by the beach for 10 bucks per night. You can get a meal and some drinks for about...you guessed it...10 bucks. It's a really nice spot for a getaway.

Photo a Day # 30: Waterfall

2009-10-04T05:22:00.000-07:00

I get a chance to see quite a bit of scenery here. We stopped by this mountain on a teacher's outing. I forget the name of the place, but it was relaxing.

Photo a Day # 29: The Dojang

2009-10-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

Here's the place I do Tae Kwon Do. Sometimes I wonder how legit it is because of the amount of games we play. Also, getting a black belt in a year? Come on. It is fun though, no question about that.

Photo a Day # 28: Bucheon Fantastic Studios

2009-09-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Bucheon's Fantastic Studios has been used for filming various popular movies and TV shows about Korea's past. The streets are recreations of what places like Myeongdong, Cheonggyecheon, and Jongno used to look like just over half a century ago. Even though the sets had absolutely no nostalgic value for me, I enjoyed watching my coworkers remember the scenes from things they grew up watching, as well as getting a glimpse of what Seoul looked like back in the day. I also got to fulfill my lifelong dream of driving a streetcar.

Photo a Day # 27: Night at the Wax Museum

2009-09-28T06:08:00.001-07:00

They have a wax museum on display at the 63 Building in Seoul. These are just a few of the many gems from what was a pretty entertaining time.

Photo a Day # 26: Seoul Forest

2009-09-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

I checked out Seoul Forest on the weekend. It would probably have been more accurate to name it Seoul Park, but that may have been taken. It was a place full of random statues, fake/real gardens, and fountains. So basically it is photo op central, like most attractions in Seoul. There was also a drum festival on, which celebrated both traditional and modern drums. I gave the old ones a rip. Seoul Forest is nice enough to be worth a look, and best of all, it's free. Take the subway to Ttukseom Station on Line 2 and it's a very short walk from there.

Photo a Day # 25: 5 Hour Lunch

2009-09-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

A casual, spur of the moment lunch invitation with 50 year old Korean coworkers can easily turn into 5 hours of eating, drinking coffee, and buying shoes. This was one of those days. The food is Mandu (dumplings) and Kal Guk Su (like noodle soup).

Photo a Day # 24: Mammy and Daddy

2009-09-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

With declining birthrates a growing concern for the future of the Korean economy, the South Korean government has turned to making subtle appeals to the subconscious in order to encourage babymaking. Operation "Knocked Up" is currently in phase one, which targets consumers in places such as Mr. Donut. There is a hypnotist working on a series of suggestive commercials for phase two. President Lee Myeong Bak reasoned "if a man and woman can come into a coffee shop to have a coffee together, they can easily take the next step and pop out a few babies...we are just trying to give these couples a gentle shove in the right direction".

Photo a Day # 23: Dance Aerobics With the Masses

2009-09-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

On the way home from Tae Kwon Do on my bicycle, I rolled past this surreal scene by the river. Hundreds, yes literally HUNDREDS of older Korean people were out doing dance aerobics in unison. I was all like WTF mate? The best part was that all the moves were choreographed to K-Pop (Korean Pop Music). It was honestly one of the most bizarre and amazing things I've ever seen. I'm just said I didn't stop to take this picture sooner. I'll try to catch it again one night and get a better shot of them.

Photo a Day # 22: At the Movies

2009-09-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

Above: Maee Seesuteoju Keepeoh (My Sister's Keepeo)

Below: Eoguly Tulusuh (The Ugly Truth)

Photo a Day # 21: Neon Nights

2009-09-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

Photo a Day # 20: Playing Ice Hockey in Korea!?

2009-09-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

Above: Throwback to minor hockey photo day.

Twas a hockey filled weekend. A buddy told me about this magical arena where they have spare equipment and welcome foreigners to come out and play. I joined him this weekend. It was my first time playing ice hockey since high school, but it felt pretty damn good. The hockey was pretty low level, but there were some guys who could play. I'm starting to think this blog looks more like it's following the life of someone in Canada than someone in South Korea.

Photo a Day # 19: Hockey in Korea!?

2009-09-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

I can now officially say I've seen a Zamboni in Korea. We went out to see the Anyang Halla play a game on Saturday. The Halla are a team in the Asia Ice Hockey League. It cost us 6000 Won (like 5 bucks), and was actually entertaining. The Halla were up 5-2 going into the 3rd but lost 8-6. Imagine that! It was fairly competitive hockey. Not the greatest in the world, but good for the price. Experiencing the novelty of seeing ice hockey played here at all was worth it.

Photo a Day # 18: Beer School

2009-09-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

Pizza School is one thing, but Beer School? I'd teach there though. It reminds me of a beer commercial I saw here where university students bust out beer and start to party in a lecture hall with their prof.

Photo a Day # 17: Cafeteria Lunch

2009-09-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

Here's a typical lunch for me at the school cafeteria. Cost: 2-3$. Today's Menus: fried pork cutlet, chicken and noodles, veggies, and of course kimchi and rice (which are part of ever meal, including breakfast).

*Please note that this is one of the best possible lunch days I can be blessed with. Squid, small bony fish, or blood sausage often ruin my lunch hours.

Photo a Day # 16: Staff Meeting!

2009-09-17T06:15:00.001-07:00

When I hear, "Shawn, we have a meeting tonight", this is what it inevitably entails. Copious amounts of meat, alcohol, and talk I don't understand much of. After this meeting they tried to talk me into skipping Tae Kwon Do and going with the to a Norae-bong (singing room). After a year here, I've learned my lesson about going to round 2 at a staff meeting. It usually leads to a round 3 and 4, and a nasty hangover at school the next day.

P.S. That is my new principal on the far left. He's a beauty.

Photo a Day # 15: The Balley

2009-09-17T05:55:00.000-07:00

This is another retroactive pic, but at least I'm being honest. According to the feedback I received about it on Facebook, it's a good one. A coteacher took this shot of me and my students having a water fight in the balley (valley in Konglish) we went to on a school field trip this May. This was shortly after about 10 of them swarmed me and threw me in the icy water. Luckily in South Korea lawsuits don't seem to be much of a concern, so students and teachers were hucking one another into the shallow, rocky, cold water with reckless abandon. This photo really does capture the kind of fun experiences I had with my students during my first contract.

Photo a Day # 14: I Like to Ride My Bicycle, I Like to Ride my Bike...

2009-09-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

Check out the new hog! This Lespo is going to change my life. She's a sweet ride. It's like floating on a cloud - a cloud of various metals, rubbers and plastics. It'll save me money, time, and it's a great way to stay in shape (anyone?). It'll also increase my chances of being hit by a taxi or scooter to about 100%. Something tells me that as long as I "Split the wind and run" I'll be allright. I'm really quite excited to have a new transportation option. Expecially a free one. Thanks again Sarah.

Photo a Day #13: A Pizza Story

2009-09-14T04:49:00.000-07:00

Korea is full of cheap pizza places with creative and clever names such as Pizza School, I Love Pizza, and our neighbourhood joint, Pizza Story. This deluxe pizza (or combeenaaiiition as the Koreans call it) with a coke, hot sauce, and the little thing of sweet pickles there costs under 7$ Canadian. Yes, I said under 7$, and yes, I said sweet pickles. Seoul pizza shops tend to mix crazy things like mustard and sweet pickles with pizza. One day maybe they'll catch on to garlic bread, wings or Caesar salad as sides. Is this pizza delicious? Not really, but it gets the job done. Is it fully cooked? Not a chance. What of it? It costs under 7 bucks, and is great for lazy Sunday nights after a long Saturday of ball hockey and beer. I just realized I followed up a ball hockey post with a pizza post. It may not look that way right now, but I do what I can to experience Korean culture too. Honest folks. You'd think I'd come up with something more culturally significant for my 100th POST!!! I didn't though. I cracked under the pressure.

Photo a Day # 12: The Traditionals

2009-09-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

I'm cheating a little bit today because I couldn't bring my camera to my ball hockey tournament yesterday due to rain related issues. In the spirit of ball hockey, I am busting out a retro pic. This is possibly the best sports team I have ever been a part of. We were named The Traditionals, after a kind of beer, which is actually quite tasty. The Trads were my ball hockey team in the CBHK (Canada Ball Hockey Korea) last season. We ended up finishing second to a team that caught fire, but we were scary good. I loved this team. All my teammates were amazing people, and I'll never forget that season. I knew I could look foward to hilarity and fun every Sunday. Hopefully my new team is a great to play for. The season starts up next Sunday.

Photo a Day # 11: Soju!

2009-09-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

I've talked about it, but this is the dreaded soju. According to my coworkers, Soju is alcohol made from rice. According to Wikipedia, it is "traditionally" made outta rice, but can be "supplemented with other starches such as potato, wheat, barley, sweet potato or tapioca". According to me, it can also be made from arsenic, chlorine, snake poison, rabbit's foot, etc. It tastes kind of like vodka, but worse. It can give you a mean hangover at times. Though soju has a deceptively low alcohol content (usually about 20% or so), it uses that percentage to lull drinkers into a false sense of security. Next thing you know, you are a 50 year old Korean businessman passed out on the sidewalk in a suit. In my case, you are the foreign English teacher at Noraebong singing 70s pop songs with your vice principal, who has his arm around your shoulder. Oh soju...

Photo a Day # 10: Naksan Park in Hyewha at Night

2009-09-11T06:10:00.000-07:00

This park is an amazing place to go after dinner in Hyewha. It's a bit of an uphill climb to reach it, but worth it for a awesome view of the entire city at night (I know awesome is overused, but to me this place really is). People climb up to sit dangle their feet over the stone wall that runs along the ridge, talking and drinking coffee. Tonight the moon was doing crazy things. I couldn't capture it too well on camera, but it was very cool. The tower you see is kind of the CN Tower of Seoul, just a little bit smaller. I've heard it referred to as the Seoul Tower as well as Namsan Tower. Naksan Park is one of my favourite places in Seoul. This is one of my favourite places in Seoul.

Photo a Day # 9: Nowon High School

2009-09-09T07:34:00.001-07:00

That's my school! Note the dirt/sand soccer field, the chin up bars of various heights, and the outdoor basketball nets. That is what our school calls "the gym". Sadly we are one of the only schools without an indoor gym. Also note the caged in tennis court, which is basically off limits during the school year unless you are a middle aged teacher. Oddly, students can get lessons there in the summer. The gardens and shrubbery look pretty nice, right? That aggravates the students to no end. They feel it was a waste of money that could have been used on something that ACTUALLY BENEFITS THEM IN SOME WAY, rather than just making the school look nice on the outside with "useless gardens" (their words). Presentation is everything here though I guess.

Anyway, I do like the place, but it is pretty rough in some regards. I've seen pictures of some of the high schools my friends work at, and lets just say they are Lacoste and my school is NO FEAR. I'll agree with the "best students, best teachers" part of our modest slogan, but "best school" might be pushing it.

Photo a Day # 8: Living is Easy

2009-09-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

My photography skills let me down a little bit on this one. I used to joke with my photography friends in uni that any hot chick who can point a camera thinks she's a photographer, but in reality I realize it is no joke. Anyway, this picture is of my apartment building, or "officetel". Right now there is a car alarm going off outside, which is making it hard to concentrate on anything other than my homicidal rage towards the car owner. There it goes again. Third time.

I digress. So I was trying to capture the two stores with the patio furniture out front. The one on the right is a convenience store. It's an awesome mom and pop operation (sometimes the son helps out too). Cheaper than average prices on everything, friendly service, and it is 4 floors down from me. Now that's convenience on a whole new level. Plus you can buy beer in there and drink it out on the patio furniture. How sweet is that?

(Above: Coolest Convenience Store in Town)

To the left is a place of legends, much like The Patti House. It is called the "Public House". Yes, it is a fine Korean pub. Pints of beer for about $2.50. A sweet wooden patio. Big comfy chairs. It's one of the best pubs ever. Koreans are generally expected to order food from the rather expensive menu when they drink, but the owner lets us get away with just drinks (Koreans tend to think that if you don't eat when you drink, you have a drinking problem, or so I'm told). I made some of my best friends in Korea last year sitting in front of these two places. It was always a killer time, whether we were talking about teaching, playing random games of Monopoly and Cranium, and just hanging out and getting buckled. There have been some epic nights at the Public House. Some we can't really remember, and some we like to pretend we can't remember. Good times...good times.

Having a bar and a convenience store attached to an apartment building is not uncommon here. Even in the outer parts of the city, every single street seems to consist of similar stores, bars, and restaurants, so you never have to go far for what you need. It's one of the things that fascinated me most when I first arrived here. I can't understand how seven identical establishments can function within eyesight of one another without going out of business. My Korean friends have assured me that they can, and do, because there are just so many people.

(Above: "The Public House". What a classy establishment. We will miss James, our favourite bartender who had to go off and do his mandatory two year stint in the army.)

Photo a Day # 7: Gangsta's Paradise

2009-09-07T05:17:00.000-07:00

I was shopping in a little clothing store near my school when I came across this shirt, which is also known as the best t-shirt ever. As you can see, it is in my apartment. That is because I now own it. I feel it really sums up who I am as a person, as well as my fashion sense.

It also sums up the kind of random, amusing things you can find on t-shirts in Seoul, such as nonsensical English tidbits, or cute matching couple gear. A source very close to me told me that the matching t-shirts can even be custom made, height wise, so that two animated characters holding hands can be lined up correctly when the couple is walking together. It is my mission to capture an image of this myself, because as you can see, I am already struggling to find ideas for my photo a day challenge. Soon I will be done with my "around the house" theme though and actually branch out into something more interesting, such as "around the school".

Photo a Day #6: Welcome to the Jungle

2009-09-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

For those of you intrigued by the Guns N' Roses reference, I apologize, for you are about to feel bitter disappointment and disdainful disgust. I learned this summer that when friends leave the country for good, you inherit plants. I had the spiky looking one in the white pot beforehand, but I've become the proud new owner of those other 5 in past few months. Why do I have plants? Am I a plant guy? Do I want to be a plant guy? I don't know the answers to these questions for certain yet, but I'm finding out, one day at a time.

There is something satisfying and comforting about watering them and trying to get them to look healthier. It's pretty deadly when they sprout new leaves and such as a result of a little TLC. I think I have a bit of a green thumb. By that I mean I haven't killed anything yet, and I am capable of gauging when a plant needs water or sun because I am not blind or in a coma.

I'm hoping this will help me work my way up to being able to handle the responsibility of being a pet owner. I have a gut feeling this might happen in my near future. I'm thinking it's going to end up being a cat. Anyway, baby steps, right?

An an unrelated note Will and Grace was just on and According to Jim is on next. Two of my absolute favourite sitcoms that I love to watch on a Sunday night. Agree or disagree?

P.S. I think I want to name my plants, so any suggestions would be great. I'm thinking Mowgli for the small spiked one to the right of my original plant in the white pot.

Photo a Day #5: Fitness Parks

2009-09-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

A few blogs posts back I wrote about fitness in Korea. These are pictures from the park by my house. As you can see, they have all sorts of interesting contraptions to work out and stretch on. Some of them look like toys from a jungle gym. People stand on the little swiveling pads beside those green and blue poles, hold on to the wheel at the top, and proceed to twist their hips back and forth. It's an important exercise for the elderly according to my observations.

I've been working my way up to being able to use this bench press. I love that they built it with a ring over the top so nobody can just carry the bar way (the weights are not removable either).

Turning the big wheel is another favourite pastime of old Korean men and women. I just wish there was an old lady rocking an oversize hula hoop at the park today. These parks are super cool to me. I also really like the fact that the elderly are so active in Seoul. I'm convinced that they continue to climb mountains and use these machines until the day they die. Old people are everywhere in this city. Chilling in parks, going places on the subway, or having a coffee out front of my building and looking at me. As annoying as I have always found old people, I do love them, and enjoy seeing them having long, healthy lives.

Photo a Day #4: All You Can Eat STEAK!!!

2009-09-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friends and I went to a restaurant in Apujeong. It was a Brazilian steak restaurant called Mercuda. The menu consisted of all you can eat steak for 25 000 Won. Just over 20$ Canadian for ALL YOU CAN EAT STEAK. Quality steak too. This place doesn't mess around. They served everything from filet mignon to sirloin to chicken hearts (chicken hearts??) yes chicken hearts. It was heaven. I passed on the chicken hearts though. A man just walked constantly between tables and his rotisserie barbecue. He would bring the meat over to the table and shave more meat off for you before your plate was even empty from the last portion. At this point I'd like to take a time-out and apologize to all of the important people in my life who don't really like the thought of eating any meat whatsoever, let alone juicy steak. You may want to skip this entry, as it will almost certainly make you squeamish.

(Above: Where the magic happens)

(Above: More filet mignon? Don't mind if I do. D-Tank is positively glowing thanks to the joy of steak.)

(Above: Exactly what it looks like - entirely too much meat. This was probably a quarter of the amount of steak we each consumed tonight. Hello colon cancer.)

So I am currently stuffed from my first trip to this haven for gluttony. The steak was unreal, and the service was quite friendly. All for the cost of a shitty little steak from some horrible chain restaurant. I don't know how they stay in business. Dad, if you're reading, it would probably be worth a ticket over here for you to eat at this place.

If you live in Seoul, Mercuda is within walking distance from Apujeong Station. The phone number is 02-5153-2889. They speak English and Korean. You should call and make a reservation, and ask for directions. It is a little tricky finding it the first time.

Photo a Day #3: Screen Gol-Pu

2009-09-03T09:12:00.000-07:00

So apparently there has been a phenomenon sweeping the world for over a decade that I didn't discover until Korea. Screen Golf. It's like real golf, but you drive/chip/putt the ball into a virtual screen. In Korea, it cost like 10 bucks for nine holes, clubs included. Plus you can get the usual cheap beer or soju to help you loosen up your swing. It's a pretty realistic simulation most of the time. You just step up and hit a button and a ball tees up for you. Then you crank it. Then the sensor reads your swing and gauges how far/straight you hit. Magic. It's almost as fun as actual golf, and for a fraction of the price. Especially in Korea, where a round of golf would set me back $200 plus. Today our place was pimptastic. It even had a minifridge. So that's photo number 3. 365 is not a daunting task at all...

Twilight Zone

2009-09-01T19:38:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what's going on, but it's freaking me out. I came back to Korea full of resolve. I want to really learn how to speak Korean fluently. On my first few excursions in my little neigbourhood, I was excited to get some solid practice in again. However, everyone in my hood now speaks English apparently. At my bank, where I am usually greeted with Korean and served using improvised sign language, there is now an English speaking teller. We had a whole conversation about how she lived in Australia. Then I went to a coffee shop around the corner and the same thing happened. I noticed that the guy even had an English book he was reading when business was slow. The third time it happened was at McDonald's. You'd think English would be normal there, but usually it is not. She asked me if I wanted the meal. That's right, not set-uh, she said MEAL. I'm starting to wonder if either everyone around here was just pulling one over on me before, and they all spoke English all along. Maybe Lee Myung Bak made a new law well I was gone that says any employee anywhere must speak English to foreigners while I was away. Who knows. It's weird though.

Photo a Day # 2

2009-09-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

This is the sunrise taken from my bedroom window of all places. I got to see the sunrise because my plane got in at such a ridiculous time that I now wake up super early. I've been looking at this view for a year, but still realize every day what a lucky man I am. Yes, that is a mountain on the left. One of Seoul's biggest draws for me was the fact that I can take a subway to a mountain and go hiking. Sure, it's hard to be at one with nature when there are 500 old people pushing and shoving and getting in your way, but I still think it's amazing. When you see the city from above it is truly awesome. It's just like waves of apartment buildings and skyscrapers rolled in and filled in the valleys between all of the mountains. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Photo a Day for a Year: Photo #1

2009-09-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Seoul, South Korea, and ready for another year of teaching. As promised, I'm going to shake the blog up this year. I want to do a photo each day for the entire year. Ambitious, right? I've developed a whole new appreciation for photos recently for some reason. I'm not much of a photographer, but I'm going to point and shoot at something every day, and post it on here with a brief explanation. I'm looking for crazy things, amazing things, or just things that are unique to Korea, in order to help show the folks back home what I'm talking about all the time. A photo a day could get tricky at times, but I will make sure I have one up for each day of the year, starting today, September 1st.

Here is entry number one:

Yes, I realized photo # 1 is in fact two photos, but they are both of the same thing, just from different angles, so there.

As I believe I've mentioned before, taxis drivers in Seoul are all off the deep end. They defy the rules of the road, the law, the laws of physics, and common sense. This is how our cabdriver managed to squeeze all of our stuff in when my 2 friends and I split a cab back from the airport at 3am. We were waiting for him to tie one to the roof. Amazingly, our stuff arrived intact, after dragging on the ground only briefly during the trip. Don't get me wrong, we were grateful he made it fit; it saved us a bunch of Won. Goodness me they are whacked out of their minds though. They risk their own lives and the lives of others for what I can safely assume must be very little money. Today I almost got smoked by a driver who chose to ignore the red light, as well as the fact that I was already partway through the intersection. He whizzed by my face doing 80 km/hr.

Crazy taxis may not be unique to Korea, but are certainly an amusing and horrifying part of my daily life here. When I was at home in Canada for my vacation, I couldn't help but notice how my taxi driver was obeying red lights and the speed limit with frustrating attentiveness. I then remembered that is how they are SUPPOSED to be driving. So that's photo number one. Look forward to a whole lot more.

I'll still continue to post photoless musings from time to time, so watch for those as well.

I'm Comin' Home

2009-08-07T04:46:00.000-07:00

Just like City in Colour, I'm comin' home. For three weeks. Then I'll be back for Round 2 in Seoul, South Korea. The second go promises to be much like the first one, only with more cowbell.

It's been a crazy year. It had its ups and downs, and I definitely learned a lot, about both myself and the world. Thanks to those of you who've stuck around through all my ramblings and silly stories, or just stopped by. Writing about it all helped me process the fact that I'm across the ocean for the first time. I think I'll keep this blog alive, but I'm think I'll need to change the focus a little bit to keep myself interested. Look forward to that in September...

Until then, keep your stick on the ice.

Gettin' Ripped in Korea - With Hula hoops!

2009-08-05T02:47:00.000-07:00

Fitness is a beautiful/bizarre aspect of South Korea. One thing that struck me as soon as I arrived here was the outdoor facilities everywhere. The huge man made rivers that divide Seoul, which I'm told were built just to make a former President look like he was getting things done, are lined with sports and exercise equipment. This stuff ranges from badminton and basketball courts to bench presses and weird giant wheels old Korean men turn in circles. It is both cool and confusing at the same time. In a future post, I'll get some pictures up, it really is something. I wish Canada had outdoor fitness parks every half kilometre or so like they do here.

I often frequent the outdoor basketball court in the park near my building. The Korean kids playing are always quick to invite me into a game. I can tell this is partly out of thoughtfulness and partly out of curiosity as to how the random 6 foot white dude with a shaved head is going to play. Just like during my Tae Kwon Do class, I tend to inspire awe in wide eyed middleschoolers every time I hit the basketball court.

For the first 6 months I spent here, I was a member of the gym across the street from my house. It was a fairly cheap membership, and turned out to be quite entertaining. They had all the equipment I needed, so I was happy. They also had some pretty messed up stuff in there. They have this machine we like to call "The Jiggler". It is straight out of a 1950s weight loss commercial. You just stand at this machine with a strap around you, which then begins to massage/jiggle you when you turn it on. Then there this board that they like to strap themselves to, which then turns upside down. No good workout is complete without a huge rush of blood to the head. One day I'll research what these machines are really supposed to be doing, but I suspect I won't buy into whatever claims the sellers of these machines make.

What made the gym so entertaining was how the old Koreans used it. They'd strut in there in some ridiculous, over the top outfit of some kind, grab a paper, and read some. Then they'd hit The Jiggler for a solid jiggling. Then back to the paper. It was then time for an upside down trip out session, followed by another newspaper perusing. If it is an old woman, she would also likely rock out with a hula hoop at some point during the "work out". If a man, he might walk on the treadmill or do sets on the different weight machines at random - seldom doing sets on the same machine twice. Zany or not, I give the old folks credit for staying active, and making me laugh.

When you add up all these facilities, the nearby mountains, the relatively low-fat diet many Koreans eat, and what do you get? A skinny country, that's what. Koreans are generally either thin or athletic. Of course there are some overweight people, but I would say it is almost rare. Nothing compared to us cheeseburger eatin' North Americans, that's for sure. Korean women generally seem to have hot bodies. Korean men are often quite thin, which is ok because that is attractive here from what I've seen. Lots of Korean dudes are pretty solid as well, and some are even RIPPED!!! Those guys don't mess with hula hoops. There were a few guys (even some of the old men) at my gym who could bench my old Chevy Corsica.

I've lived a far more active lifestyle since I've been here, and I usually eat healthier too. Lifting too much maekju (beer) here may have had a counteractive effect on my progress, but I am in better shape than when I arrived, without question. South Korea has definitely got me into some habits that I hope I take back home with me when I go.

Talking About the Weather

2009-07-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

This past month in Seoul has been HOT. I am a person who likes moderate temperatures. I love spring and fall because they allow me to sleep in comfort. These past few weeks I have been finding myself sweating buckets. In shorts and a T-shirt. On my walk to work at 7:30 am. When I get to work I feel ready for a shower rather than a class. The biggest differences I've noticed between the seasons in Seoul vs. Ontario are a) Winter here is not as cold and it barely snows and b) summer is enough degrees warmer to make me hate my life at times. Also, the old monsoon season hit hard this month. I can't count how many times I found myself umbrella-less and noticed it was raining cats and dogs (side note: "raining cats and dogs" gets a lot of enthusiastic play from my coworkers, who are quite excited to bust it out at every opportunity).

I shouldn't complain though. My dad tells me it's a cool, wet summer back home. I'm sure my homies would love to bask in the hot sunlight that I played basketball in today.

In related news, I am currently teaching my summer camp. I gave students an opportunity to formulate questions to ask me about Canada. One student asked "In Canada, do you have summer and farmers?". I explained that of course we don't have summer or farmers, because all of Canada is covered in snow, and we only get 2 months of sunlight per year. To his credit, I didn't know anything about South Korean in high school. Other than what M.A.S.H taught me. Haha, remember Radar? He had some noonchi, that one. Or how about Klinger? Haha he dressed as a woman for so long but they still made him stay. In all seriousness, that was tied with Fresh Prince for my favourite TV show growing up. I guess I had a messed up childhood or something...

I digress. Anyway, I hope the weather is nice in Ontario by next Saturday, cuz I'm coming home!!!! A free trip home, paid, for three weeks, is a great way to build up to my second year in Korea. Lordy I'm spoiled.

Getting a Headstart

2009-07-21T02:04:00.000-07:00

This has to be my favourite newspaper article in a long while. I've highlighted in bold the reasons why it might be the best article ever/today.

Pre-schooling Costs $14, 400 a Year

By Jane Han
Staff Reporter

It's easy to spot the neatly dressed kindergarteners hopping out of BMWs and Maseratis in front of the southern Seoul campus of British International Pre School (BIPS), a prestigious English-speaking kindergarten rumored to be most sought-after by the rich moms in town.

The school's annual tuition hovers above 18 million won ($14,400) ― more than four times the tuition for public universities ― but money doesn't seem to be the problem. It's the competition rate.

One mother who failed to get her six-year-old son into the program says she felt defeated when she had to enroll her child in a regular neighborhood kindergarten, which typically charges 200,000 won to 400,000 won per month.

"I wanted my son to go to a top school from the very beginning of his education," said the 34-year-old mom, who wanted to named only as Yang. (My personal favourite line).

She admitted that the tuition is high, but stressed that education isn't the only thing the amount covers.

"There are all sorts of connections that children and their parents can make by selecting a prestigious school chosen by the society's leaders," said Yoon, a homemaker who is married to an investment banker.

Industry experts say that children and grandchildren of lawmakers, doctors, judges, prosecutors and celebrities make up a significant portion of the student body.

BIPS, Bambini and some 20 other English-speaking "premium" kindergartens claim to provide only the best and charge anywhere from 1.5 million to 2 million won per month.

Officials from the schools, who refused to be identified, commonly said what they offer is fundamentally different compared to ordinary kindergartens.

"All classes are taught by well-qualified foreign teachers and most of the supplies we use are imported brands," said one official. "We don't just teach, we offer a new culture."

But critics pick apart their sky-high tuition with concerns that they can cause other schools to raise their fees as well.

They say parents fear having a second child because the financial burden from supporting their children's education starts far too early.

I can just see two 19 year olds at SNU (The most sought after uni in Korea) in 20 years, snickering at the outcast who didn't attend a "prestigious" kindergarten. Once I saw a show based in the U.S. where these parents had their kids on a waiting list for a private pre-school. I'm sure these schools exist in Canada, although I've never heard of them because my family is poor. I guess I can forget applying to Harvard for grad school, my kindergarten was a joke. I remember overhearing my teacher's boyfriend saying "You know what? You're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger paintin's (of Shawn Therien's) you bring home and they SUCK!!!!". Sigh. I guess I'll just go to Lakehead, or back to York.

The Town Drunk(s)

2009-07-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

Having a bar on the first floor of your apartment building makes life a little more interesting. Just now, I witnessed 3 grown men having a bar fight. These guys were out in the street, ripping shirts, arguing with police, and basically entertaining the 30+ people who were watching from up and down my street (my gleeful self included). By the way, it's Monday night, just after 9pm.

I should also clarify that when I say "bar fight", I actually mean a pushing match between middle-aged/older Korean men. Somehow no matter how drunk and angry these gents get, they never seem to truly trade blows in a full out scrap. They tow the line, but never completely cross it. Often the fight ends with a reconciliation, as it is usually between old friends.

Like any major city, Seoul is a place full of drunks. In the same way that many Canadians are proud of our beer (that nobody else drinks), and our ability (we think) to hold our liquor, many Koreans also embrace their drinking culture. In my neighborhood, the bar downstairs, and the dozens of 24 hour convenience stores selling booze create more full on drunks than I've seen anywhere else I've lived. The worst culprits are older men. I've read and witnessed that older Korean men basically egg each other on like university freshmen, always taking the night just one drink further. Everyone is obligated to keep up, or to obey the "one shot" command. The result is, only the strong survive the night. The weak end up in a world of pain.

Here is a quick recap of some of the memorable drunk moments I've seen in my area:

There was a fight involving an old man, his daughter, and a middle aged man. Spitting, slapping, and even shin-kicking ensued before it was over.

One old lady was pushing another old lady and following her up the street. Somehow she had cut her hand, and clearly believed the other woman had caused it. She even rubbed her bloody hand in the poor woman's face.

I saw a man in nice dress clothes wake up on the street, covered in dirt, and proceed to stumble towards home. It was 7am on a Monday, and I was going to work. Another weekday morning I got off the subway and saw two men drinking beer at a convenience store. Nice way to start off the day. That is now a common thing for me to see.

There was the guy sitting on the edge of the subway platform, drinking beer. He was wasted and covered in food and vomit, but still awake. Similarly, just yesterday I saw a guy sitting on the sidewalk drinking a 40 of beer. When I walked by again he had been moved 100m or so down the street, and his previous drinking spot had been hosed down.

A drunk got hit by a parked car right in front of me one night outside my place. Split his head open a bit. He then pissed himself and made a scene. The cops came and moved him down the street. He wandered back by 10 minutes later.

Two friends got in a fight outside the bar downstairs because one of them fishhooked the other with an umbrella by accident. The bar owner came out and got into it as well. Oh wait, those were my Canadian friends. Interestingly, the owner decided the best solution was to give us all shots of tequila. It worked, believe it or not.

Anyway, there are countless examples of this kind of public drunkenness in Seoul. I'm relaying these stories not to criticize Seoul, but because I think drunks are funny. Particularly when they are respectable businessmen dressed in suits on a weeknight. I've made a fool of myself more than my fair share of times thanks to the old sauce, so I'm not judging. It is also just strange for me because I have never lived in an area with so many incidents like this, involving so many different kinds of people.

Tae Kwon Do II: Collision Course

2009-07-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Tae Kwon Do has been going well so far. I'm cruising along and will be at my blue belt soon, which, I believe, puts me halfway to the black belt I long for. Since I was a kid watching Jackie Chan Rumble in the Bronx, or The Three Ninjas and their grandpa kicking ass, I've always wanted a blackbelt in some martial art. It looks like my dream is going to come true.

However, this dream won't come easy. It's already come at a price - my dignity. A while back I had to do a belt test with all the other little kids. In front of all of their parents. Most of the kids were at a higher level than me. All I could feel was the glaring eye of the parents as I did my test. Whenever us three foreigners misunderstood Master So's Korean directions the kids and their parents had a laugh at our expense, which compounded my anxiety. I persevered, however, and destroyed the test. It was a rather genius marketing ploy by Master So, who can now advertise that his students will get a free chance to practice English conversation while learning Tae Kwon Do. Traditional martial art meets globalization. Trippy.

Another obstacle stands in my way. I've made an enemy in my dojang. He has a brown belt with a red stripe, which is better than my stupid green belt. He has a cooler haircut, but I think it's too emo with the silly side-bang and all. He can do all kinds of crazy stunts that most of the other guys in their can't do. However, we've crossed paths a few times, and I think he feels threatened by me. He doesn't like me or the West, or anything I stand for. He's the seasoned vet and I'm the up and coming underdog. I think he's worried that I've been schooling him at indoor soccer on game day, and he doesn't stand a chance against me at sparring. Lately he just glowers at me whenever he sees me. We've had more than a few showdowns. Reaching for the water cooler at the same time - stare down. Bumping into each other - stare down. Arguing over who gets to bat next in indoor baseball - stare down.

Needless to say, the only way for us to settle this is a fight to the death in front of all the parents. I've been working on two video montages. One is a training montage set to "Eye of the Tiger". The other is a fight montage that shows me working may way up the ranks to fight this guy. It is set to Hawk Chesney's "I am the One and Only". Only time will tell if I have what it takes to rise to the top. Stay tuned to find out if I can make it through training, take out this punk, and get the girl. Ok, so their is no girl. Oh, and the guy is 10 years old. But anyway, I'll let you know if I get my black belt or whatever.

Breaking Down Barriers

2009-07-07T05:29:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been exam season. For me, this time is a nightmare. My favourite students don't even give a care about my class when an ominous quarterly exam looms just around the corner. As I've explained in the past, my class has yet to become a true part of the old English grade, so students have to push conversation to the background in order to focus on boosting grades. I did get 3 questions from my class on this exam though, which was sweet.

The past few weeks have consisted of me gritting my teeth in an attempt to persevere, and sighing heavily when my students are too exhausted from studying to answer my questions. Like any classic teaching movies such as Dangerous Minds, Sister Act, or High School High will tell you, however, there is always an inspiring breakthrough to be had.

In all seriousness, I had a great moment late last week. I have a student who has some sort of condition which impedes her ability to excel in an ordinary classroom setting. I've worked with students who have learning disabilities and other impediments to mainstream learning, and this student seems to exhibit symptoms of Asperger's. I'm hardly an expert, so I'm not quite sure. In any case, she spends most classes staring straight ahead, and occasionally fills out an answer or two on her worksheet. She speaks only with her teachers (in Korean), and never with her classmates.

South Korea is in the middle of a transition right now with respect to students who need accommodations in school, much like the ongoing changes that have been taking place in Canada in recent times. The social stigma surrounding learning disabilities is still quite strong here, and parents do not want to accept that their child may special attention. Plus, there are just so many students in Seoul that it is difficult to train and hire enough teachers for these students. Apparently some solutions are currently in the works, but at my school teachers don't have the teaching assistants, technological supports, or the time to give unique students the attention they need (this is all info I've gathered from my coworkers at school/experiences at school).

Anyway, I've always made an effort to smile and say hi to this girl, both inside and outside of school. She lives in my hood so I sometimes see her at the store. When she doesn't ignore me, she usually gives an awkward half smile before casting her eyes to the ground nervously. One time, my co teacher told me she even asked why I always smile and say hi to her whenever I see her. The teacher explained I was just being friendly. When I have the time, I also try to help her with her work, but unfortunately the realities of my job don't allow for much individual attention at present. My attempts to get her to speak failed so many times I felt I should let her be.

The other day, my co teacher ran up to me, looking excited. With him was this student of mine. She proceeded to speak to me rapidly in Korean. My co teacher translated. She was telling me she was sorry that sometimes she ignored me when I said hi, or smiled at her in class. Apparently, she's decided she wants to become more friendly and confident. Then she gave me a candy and a piece of paper with her name on it. Since then, she makes solid eye contact and beams at me when I see her coming down the hall, and she's even said "hi" twice.

After 10 months of teaching this girl, I had given up entertaining the idea that she'd ever even wave to me, let alone speak to me in English. I felt kind of helpless and inadequate at times, because I didn't know what to do to get through to her. She really took me by surprise. Not only did she approach her Korean teacher for help, she actually came to talk to me in person as well. I imagine it was a huge step for her to overcome her social anxiety that day, and it opens the door for me to communicate with her more often in future classes. I am thrilled that just by smiling, saying hi, and giving her a little attention in class, I made her comfortable enough to come out of her shell a little more. This small (yet enormous) change in her makes it feel like a big breakthrough for me as a teacher as well. In your eye language/cultural/social barriers.

Korean Sauna / Jim-Jill-Bong

2009-06-29T05:27:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I finally made it to the infamous Korean Sauna, otherwise known as the Jim-Jill-Bong (if my romanificationalization is incorrect, please F.U.C.K. O.F.F.).*

Here is how it played out. I went with four of my Korean colleagues, who I had an after school conversation class with. We strolled in and paid our 6000 Won (6 dollar) entrance fee. I was handed blue shorts and a blue shirt, - size large - along with a locker key. After first stowing our shoes, the men and women separated. Mun-Gi and I headed then split up with the women, and headed down to the male section. We proceeded to get naked and compare our junk and physiques. Then we went downstairs and showered, continuing to compare our junk and physiques with one another, as well as the other naked men who surrounded us. As most of the men were quite old, chubby, and shriveled, I think the both of us got a huge ego boost from this process.

We then had to soap up and shower down. An old man saw me struggling and helped me adjust the temperature of my shower, and even got me a fresh cloth to lather up with. After cleaning, we chilled in various hot tubs and saunas for about 30 minutes. Contrary to what I had heard from a female friend, nobody stared at me because I was a foreigner. This might be because men don't give fuck about seeing other men naked. Personally, I got over seeing other men naked thanks to hockey change rooms, which can desensitize you to male nudity pretty quickly. I was feeling good about remaining unperturbed by this excessive nudity, because my colleague was worried I would not be able to handle all the male genitals/being naked in front of a hundred men. Then I saw a man doing push ups naked beside a man doing disgusting stretches I will never describe to anyone. At that point, I emphatically informed Mun-Gi I was ready to go.

After that we went upstairs to join the women in the coed section. There were tons of saunas of varying temperatures. The hottest one I braved was 70 degrees Celsius, and it was insanely hot. There was also a cold room, a salt-themed room, and a number of other rooms we tested out. We had contests in each room to see who could last the longest. I got schooled in the saunas, but easily stayed in the cold room with my back against the ice the longest. Canadian blood paid off there. In the jim-jill-bong you can also get a shave, work out, drink a beer, eat a meal, and even go to the "PC Bong". Why anyone would go to a sauna in order to check their email or play computer games is beyond me, but hey, whatever floats your junk.

My crew settled for a cold, sweet, rice based drink and an ice cream cone. We also hit up some massage chairs. The beating I took from the massage chair reminded me of the massage I got in Thailand. It was strange, painful, and awkward. At the same time, I felt better when I got out of the chair. Maybe I just felt better in comparison to how I felt when I was in the bloody thing.

My experience at the Korean sauna was quite relaxing overall, and a nice end to my weekend, which began with my previous post about "Man's Day" at my school. Another sweet Korean weekend with the coworkers. Hence my decision to renew my contract, which will go from 99% to 100% when I sign the contract in the next week or so.

*(F.U.C.K O.F.F. = Forgive Us Canadians in Korea Or Find Friends).

Man's Day

2009-06-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

Last week one of the older P.E. teachers approached my desk with an English teacher. He doesn't speak any English, so I knew he was about to ask me something via translation. Turns out, he wanted to extend an invitation to me for "Man's Day". I asked what "Man's Day" was, and the English teacher said it was a time when all the male teachers got together. Her vague answer had me slightly worried. I've seen what happens in the bar outside my building when men get together, and it consists of peer pressuring the other men to drink shot glass after shot glass of soju in "one shot".

However, I learned at an early age to never, EVER say no to a P.E. teacher. So, I accepted. It turned out to be one of the best Fridays I've had in some time. All of the male teachers met outside after school. We then proceeded to play sports for hours. First up was baseball. Hundreds of students surrounded the makeshift ball diamond that had been prepared for the match. When I stepped up to the plate, the students chanted my name. I didn't disappoint. I smashed a ground rule double, and proceeded to get on base every time came up to bat. I should probably mention at this point that we were playing Tee Ball, and that our schoolyard is quite small. Oh, and the opposing team was composed of the older teachers. Anyway, we all had a good laugh watching each other butcher the game of baseball, and the students just loved it.

We moved on to a dangerously crowded game of volleyball, which was followed up by a Korean favourite - foot volleyball (or choku???sp?). This sport kind of crosses soccer, volleyball, and tennis. Basically it's like volleyball, but you use your feet. Like tennis, you have one bounce before you have to make contact with the ball. Like volleyball, you can play the ball three times on your side (so you can dig, set, and kill...but with your feet). This game is wild. I've been playing it a bit a Tae Kwon Do, so I shocked some of the teachers with my beginner skill level, but wow these old men are amazing at the sport. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, do yourself a favour and watch crazy videos like this (this appears to be a more intense version of the sport with slightly different rules, but essentially it is the same).

After wrapping things up on the volleyball court and schooling some students at basketball, the male teachers and I headed out by the tennis court, where a barbecue was brewing. We ate fried pork (Sam Gyup Sal) and Kimchi, had a few drinks, and talked. One of the English teachers explained to me that "Man's Day" started because "times have changed". With what looked like a tear forming in his eye, he explained how things are "different now". Once a male dominated profession, teaching has now become a female job. The faculty of our school is predominately female. To compensate for this, once a year the men gather to play sports, eat meat, and drink a little, and just be men. Whatever the reason, it was a really good time. I wish it were a monthly thing at my school.

Coming up next, my (extremely) belated first experience at Jim Jil Bong (a Korean Sauna...and then some).

2 Truths and a Lie

2009-06-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

This week is all about lies and white lies. At the end of the lesson, I had my students playing 2
Truths and a Lie. If you haven't played this game, the title pretty much explains it. You tell 2 truths and a lie about yourself (not necessarily in that order ) and try to fool the others, who are trying to guess which statment is the lie.

Here is a beauty exerpt from a round of 2 Truths and a Lie today:

Student: "1) I like computer games 2) I was arrested 3) I am top in this class."
Other students: "Boooooo! Number 3 is lie!"
Me: "Were you really arrested?"
Student (turning red): "Yes."
Me: "Why?"
Another Student (who NEVER speaks): "He is chicken fuckah!!! "

I honestly don't know where these kids come up with the things they say. I don't remember hearing "chicken fucker" in a movie or anything. It's just messed.

In any case, it turned out to be nothing but a rumour of course. He was actually "arrested" as a youngster because he lost his father in a parking lot and started just trying to open every car door. The cops took him to the station and contacted his parents. At least that's what I gathered.

Unfortunate Nicknames

2009-06-12T02:38:00.001-07:00

I've found that Korea can be a place of bluntness. If you're sick, you'll hear that you look sick. This seems to be a bit of a social difference. We use white lies, while Koreans don't always bother. Also, sometimes I think Westerners just take things the wrong way. For example, if a Korean says to me "you look sick", I might feel insulted, especially if I'm not sick. However, the question is a way of expressing concern over my health, not a veiled insult (most of the time).

Anyway, enough ill-informed commentary on cultural differences. The real reason I brought up the blunt thing was to talk about the nicknames at my school. High school students can be ruthless anywhere in the world, and they certainly pull no punches here.

Here is a rundown of some of the nicknames students have given other students at my school.

Beaver - a hilarious student with huge gap teeth. She doesn't seem to mind the nickname, and actually told me to call her that. Apparently she thinks it's a "cute" nickname. I'm not going to tell her the other connotation of her nickname, and I hope she never learns of it.

Dinosaur - The kid has a bit of a caveman look to him, so they call him dinosaur. I learned his nickname during my first day in class in Korea. He used to say he didn't mind being called that, but he finally told me he hates the nickname, so now I call him by his Korean name.

Primitive Peoples - A female teacher at my school who resembles the Dino kid is referred to as Primitive Peoples by her students. This nickname also expresses their opinion on her intelligence level, or so I'm told.

Dragon Fly - a teacher at my school has huge eyes, so they call her dragon fly. Hahaha. Actually I just learned about this one yesterday and can't wait to call her dragon fly next week (we are friends).

Mr. Bean - a teacher at my school is the Korean Mr. Bean, he looks and acts EXACTLY like him, and so this one is perfect. It's uncanny.

Centre - huge, tall guy. For some reason this really tickles me. That's right. Tickles. Not sure why, I just think it's funny they went with a basketball position for a nickname.

Mouse - small guy who looks like a mouse.

Down's Syndrome - Poor kid. He does kind of look like a person with Down's Syndrome, but I jumped to his defense and made the kid who called him that feel pretty bad. There are lines you just shouldn't cross.

Gay. No really, REALLY. Gay. - I've tried everything to put an end to this, but they will not stop calling the kid gay. Without fail, they follow it up with a minute of insisting that he is truly a homosexual person. I'm convinced the only real reason they call him gay is because he yells NO in a really funny way every time they say it. If he just stops taking the bait it'll pass. These kids aren't mature enough yet to realize it's probably not right to use gay as an insult, but hell, neither is much of the population of my hometown.

Woody - students called my old boss Woody, as in Woody from Toy Story. He looks like he has a wooden face and walks around all stiff-like, so I got a pretty good chuckle out of this. He knew of the nickname and thought it meant the students liked him. I'm not sure if they did or not.

The list goes on and on, but the funny thing is that most of them are kind of accurate. Even when they are brutally honest. Everybody seems to accept their nickname with a sense of humour. I'll post more if I can remember them.

Any teachers reading this should post their student nicknames, as I'm sure this is common in every school.

Underground English

2009-06-09T05:31:00.001-07:00

Anybody who has experienced Seoul knows that it is a random place full of paradoxes, contradictions, and the most unlikely of juxtapositions (I learned to throw these words around in university, cost me like 30 grand). The love / hate relationship Seoulvilians have with the English language is one of the best examples of the ways becoming a "developed country" has jumbled South Korean culture.

On one hand, Korea is obsessed with learning English. Parents pay ridiculous amounts to send their kids to private institutes after school to master it, and students are under immense pressure to excel in English. They fly green foreign English teachers such as myself in just praying they can learn more English through osmosis, all in hopes of jumping a few rungs up the global ladder. The crazy mouse like president even suggested that all classes should be taught in English at one point. What a wild man.

On the other side of the coin, however, many Koreans resist English. Even my students, who spend countless hours studying it for school would rather die than actually try to speak it properly. They cling to the safety of Konglish or the dreaded "fine thanks, and you?". Part of this is due to shyness and inexperience actually using English in a conversational way, but there is more to it. There is peer pressure to avoid speaking proper English, as if Koreans who embrace Enlish conversation are traitors. Plenty of Koreans don't want the English language / Western culture to destroy Korean language and culture, which is a legitimate concern. Some simply aren't interested and don't need English in their lives.

In my high school, much to my shagrin, I see these contradictory impulses play out every day in my classes. Getting a good grade on an English grammar test is cool, but being good at speaking is not. Students who can speak fluently with a more Western accent are looked at as showoffs by their classmates. At the same time, those who try enthusiastically to speak, but aren't perfect, are bombarded with insults from their classmates. Basically, this has created a poisonous atmosphere in many of my classes, killing conversation practice before it can begin.

After my first semester, several students shyly came forward and revealed that they were actually fluent English speakers. One girl taught herself to speak perfect English on her own, through movies and songs, with no private tutoring. However, she actually faked a Konglish accent in class and gave short answers to protect herself from the wrath of her insecure classmates. Now we talk all the time and she regrets not taking advantage of practicing convo with a foreigner sooner. This is a frustrating theme at my school these days. Cool answers are silence, something stupid, something lazy, or something funny (a little karma for my own high school behaviour perhaps). My boss couldn't recruit even enough students to make an after-school class. The situation is dire, and I fear my school will produce kids who can translate passages without being able to talk about the weather.

My only choice was to take things underground. I started a free English club during an hour of my own time on Mondays. Not because I'm a hero, but because I need to keep sane, and seeing students actually learn a thing or two from me is the only way to do that. I quietly recruited the one or two enthusiastic speakers from each of my classes, without making a big deal about it. The first day 4 showed. The next week there were 8. Hope the trend continues. We play games, watch English movies, and I'll be throwing some educational stuff in their as well. I hooked one of my students up with a Canadian penpal (my little sis). Basically, I just want to give the students actually interested in English for the right reasons a postive environment where they can try to talk without dealing with jealousy or scorn. Maybe if other students start to see that English can allow you to learn more about the world, have fun, and actually make friends with foreigners, things might stop being so shitty for me during my lessons. Not gonna hold my breath, but I'm sure the Underground English Club can't hurt.

Puck You Chat Bot

2009-06-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

This week I decided to shake things up with my lesson plan. I took the class out of their natural setting to the old computer lab (which is now quite dusty from years of neglect) so they could practice chatting in English. During orientation a presenter showed us a chatting program on his EFL website. Basically, these chatbots are programmed with responses to an amazing amount of questions and comments. If you want to see what I mean, check them out here (click "Most Popular) or here (Main Site - Talk - Bot Talk).

Anyway, the lesson made this the most hilarious/disturbing week I've had in recent memory. I showed the students a few online emoticons and abbreviations we like foreigners like to use, and then showed them how to use the chatbots, and off they went. The first thing I noticed is that even the most shy and innocent of my students could not resist typing "fuck you" immediately. To be fair, I tried it on my own while preparing the lesson. Usually the bots respond with "Please don't be so rude", or a similar answer. My personal favourite was an enthusiastic but Englishee challenged student who wrote puck you.

The next issue that came up involved a real chat room on the margin of the web page, which is for teachers and students to practise English. My brighter students got bored with the bots and proceeded to fill the chat room with Korean profanity, which I felt fortunate not to understand much of. I emailed the creator of the site to explain, but he was quite understanding.

Then, today, things got really wacky. Two funny female students in my basic class were sitting beside each other testing out the bots. One leaned over and asked her friend a question. The friend responded "F...U...C...K", as if it was perfectly acceptable to tell her how to spell fuck right in front of the teachers. Priceless. Later, they called me over to show me something. "Shawn look, REAL people!". "Oh Puck", I thought to myself. Turns out they knew of a site called Omegle. The slogan of the website is "Talk with Strangers!". You just go to the site, click a button, and are connected with an anonymous stranger.

My first instinct was to tell them to get the hell off the site immediately, but I thought I'd give them a chance to test their chatting skills in a real life situation. It started out innocent, with how old are you, where are you from, etc. When one girl's English broke down, the "boy" on the other end typed "Are you hot?" As I moved towards the computer, my crafty student managed to type "Yes I'm hot. Sexy body. You have cam?" before I could close the window. Where in the name of Kimchi and Soju did this basic level student learn this stuff? It blew my mind. I had no sooner cleaned up that mess when her friend asked me "Shawn, what mean?". Her chatting partner had typed "Why do people keep leaving? If you leave this conversation I'll kill myself". I said "close that, he's crazy". Without missing a beat she typed "fuck" and closed the window.

Needless to say, I didn't let them use that website anymore. I tried to explain why it is probably not a good idea for them to be on sites like that, but who knows if they understood me. In any case, I learned that they aren't as innocent or naive as I thought, so they can probably look out for themselves online. Here's hoping.

Clarification: Wondering why I don't flip on students for saying fuck? Or how I let things get so ridiculous in my class? Well you try controlling 40 technology whizzes in a computer lab. Not to mention, trying to get my kids at my school to stop swearing would be like trying to keep water in a strainer. Plus, I've never had a student swear AT me, they just like throwing the words around because they hear them in movies, and think it makes them badasses. I've left discipline in the hands of my Korean co-teachers, and so if it doesn't bother them, it doesn't bother me. Any English is good English when you're teaching in Korea, that's what I always say....now....

Nukes Shmukes.

2009-05-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

So a few of my friends and family members have been following the international headlines enough to ask me if I'm at all worried about the latest showdown between Kim Jong Il and the rest of the world. When I learned they were planning the tests, I thought nothing of it. When I found out they actually followed through on the tests, I was not much more concerned. After all, I wasn't dead or anything. The most troublesome news is perhaps Kim Jong Il's assertion that the 1953 peace treaty is now null and void, following South Korea's decision to join allies in interfering with North Korean ships that could be carrying dangerous materials. I don't want to be here if the South gets invaded or bombed, I've watched enough M*A*S*H in my time to realize that.

While the tensions are certainly rising again, the South Korean people don't seem too concerned. Sure, it's in the paper, but greatly overshadowed by the tragic death of a shady former president. Whenever I bring up the North Korea news, it is turned into a conversation about Roh's suicide. One person even implied that the NK news is just a diversion, designed to distract the public from the mysterious circumstances surrounding the suicide. Doubtful, but interesting. Apparently Roh jumped to his death from a cliff on his property. His bodygaurd first claimed to being there and witnessing the jump, but then said he was not there at the time of the jump...err whatever. Roh was charged with accepting bribes, and many of his friends and family members were under investigation, so there is ample room for conspiracy theories here.

So my attitude is, if they aren't worried, why should I be? I trust the judgement of the people who have been living through this stalemate for years. Plus, it sure beats being paranoid all the time. I think I'd rather die oblivious and happy then anxious and scared. I'm more concerned with how the Swine Flu might affect my travel plans this summer. After all, there are 50 some odd foreign English teachers under quarantine because they were in contact with an infected person. If the flu crisis gets worse, it might be difficult to get back in here if I leave due to health measures. That could end up being a blessing in disguise if Kim Jong Il finally does nuke the hell out of Seoul, I suppose.

The Curious Case of Korean Gym Class

2009-05-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

That's right, yet another horrible title by yours truly. As if the blog title itself wasn't bad enough. Anyway, Strayblog just posted a summary of the strange methodology (or lack thereof) used in gym class at his school, which can be read here.

My school is not as lame as Strayblog's, but is definitely bizarre in comparison to the gym classes I knew and loved in high school. We sampled almost every sport possible. Soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, football, curling, frisbee, tennis, bowling, archery, lawn darts, cow tipping, etc. Each unit was comprised of written theory tests, technique instruction, as well as actual games and/or tournaments. Not to mention the Leadership PE and Outdoor Ed. classes, which were amazing. We also had 4 fitness tests per year, which were tough at times, but satisfying and good for us.

Now I'll admit I don't really know what goes into teaching and grading a Korean gym class, but I can relay what I've witnessed and heard from Korean teachers at school. Students in third year (graduation year), are pretty much given free reign in gym class, because they are stressed enough studying 24/7 for their entrance exams. PE seems to be provided as a time to relax. They sit around, shoot around, kick the soccer ball around, or organize games of pickup as they see fit. The girls either walk hand in hand and talk, or play badminton with no net. Sometimes they organize games similar to "Red Light Green Light", or "What time is it Mr. Wolf?". Now and then I see them doing warmup drills or working on a skill set with the teacher, but not too often

First graders and second graders have a slightly different regimen. They warmup running laps and being led in the same stretching/jumping jack routine I do at Tae Kwon Do. Then the teacher has them stand in rows while yelling instructions at them. Then they grab the volleyballs, basketballs, tennis rackets, baseball gear or soccer balls, and procede to do extremely redundant drills with this equipment. I've witnessed 30+ mintues dedicated to shooting free throws, volleying (to one's self, not a partner), and so on.

Two female coteachers of mine reminisced about how they were tested on shooting free throws and volleying to themselves 50 times in order to recieve their PE Class grades. Perhaps these goals explain the lack of actual game time for students. Sometimes disorganized games of basketball or soccer follow, during which the Korean teacher sits in the shade, or yells praise/scorn from the sidelines. I've never seen an actual volleyball, tennis, or badminton match.

I've previously posted my experience watching a gym class on baseball, which speaks for itself, which can be viewed here.

With respect to racquet sports and volleyball, the badminton/volleyball net consists of two posts with no net attached. Students just pair up and smack a birdie back and forth anywhere. I once saw a ribbon tied up for a short time, but that was quickly torn down by the boys so they could play mini soccer games in that area of the field. There is no gym, although one is apparently in the works. My school's yard is very small, so space is a challenge.

The tennis court, however, is maintained quite well, complete with a clubhouse and a fancy shower. This is because students only get to use it periodically to return serves (I've never seen a student game). After school, students are only allowed into the court to retrieve soccer balls, where they risk being yelled at by their teacher for being so stupid as to let a ball go astray. The middleaged (and up) teachers take over the court at that point. I shudder to think about how much of the budget was spent on this court, which is really only for teachers. Hypocrite that I am, I recently started taking tennis lessons from the faculty pros on Wednesdays, and I strut past students with my nose in the air when I walk into the fenced-in court.

Another issue is that students of all levels seem to be able to dodge participation with relative ease. I've seen hordes of students sitting around chatting during class. I asked what they were doing, and some claimed to be injured, while others said they forgot their uniform. Some of these student would then play basketball with me after school. Many female students simply seem free to stroll around, as long as they are outside. This also happened in my high school, but in smaller numbers, and with greater consequences.

In closing, I'd like to reiterate that I am unfamiliar with the rationale or goal behind Korean gym classes. I think that the lack of space, facilities, and money detracts from making PE fun or effective at my school in many instances. In addition, it seems to me that PE teachers spend too much time focusing on mundane aspects of the sports they are teaching, without giving students enough experience trying these techniques in real games (much like learning grammar rules, translation and vocab without ever really getting to speak English). That's just my opinion. I'm interested to hear what other foreign teachers / Korean teachers / former Korean students have to say about this topic.

Latest Konglish Sightings

2009-05-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

Although I've been here a while now, Konglish can still put a smile on my face if it tickles me a certain way.

My recent favourites:

T-Shirt: "Gettin' Hoes Since 1937" - (worn by a 14ish looking boy).

Written on a desk at school: "Get respect you sun of bitch I am son of beach".

Newly acquired Konglish phrase: "Cut Film" - When you get so drunk you black out and can't remember a thing the next day.

Sign at Lotte World: The images, coupled with warnings such as "Not allowed to medical sensitivity", and "Not allowed to pregnant" make this one of the best Konglish signs ever. Then again, there are some pretty mind blowing signs out there.

Click on the picture below to see what I mean.

On the Versatility of Chopsticks

2009-05-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

On the way to school today, I witnessed something grotesquely fascinating. A man was crouched down beside his little dog, picking up excrement with a set of chopsticks, which he then put in a plastic bag. I stifled my laughter and couldn't wait to get to school to tell what I had seen. In first period, I thought I had a pretty sweet icebreaker to start the class off with. I told the class my story, laughing all the while. When I finished, I was faced with a room of blank stares. A few kids chuckled nervously, and one student coughed awkwardly. A tumbleweed rolled by. "Wait, is this...normal?", I asked.

Yes. Apparently, this is normal in Korea. Why wouldn't it be? My coteacher said disposable wooden chopsticks are better than the infamous "poop scoop" because they are easier to carry and one does not have to clean them after use. Fair enough.

I don't feel this trick would work in Canada though. Korean dogs tend to be about the size of a football, but I shudder at the thought of following my old black lab around with a puny pair of chopsticks. I also object to this practice because you have to get too close for comfort to the "business" your dog has done. Not too mention, chopsticks are for EATING. I will never look at wooden chopsticks the same way again. Finally, to work in North America, they would need a catchy name, like "Shit Sticks" (help me here, I got nothing).

This led me to ponder other novel uses for chopsticks. In the absence of a fork, I myself have used them as eggbeaters, with considerable success. Some women like to wear glorified chopstick to put their hair up, but I think those have another name, and just happen to look exactly like chopsticks. Apparently even metal chopsticks can be used for eating fish with bones, as well as slippery noodles, although I am still working on that (I type this with gritted teeth).

They also make great token gifts, or things to bring home and prove you once lived in Asia. You can stir a mean drink with them and break em in half and use em as toothpicks. I would argue that they could be used as a weapon by Joe Pesci, or at least a young Joe Pesci. Chopsticks were also the inspiration for a legendary piano song, which was aptly dubbed "Chopsticks" (FYI, the original title was "The Celebrated Chop Waltz"). In closing, because chopsticks are used in Korea, they are undoubtedly good for your wellbeing, and probably help combat cancer.

I've likely only covered the tip of the iceberg here, so feel free to post your own creative ideas on alternative uses for these amazing eating tools.

How Old Are You?

2009-05-10T01:48:00.001-07:00

Age is more than just a number in Korean culture. One of the first questions Koreans ask when they meet someone is "how old are you", because that is how they determine how to treat this new person. It is imperative to establish the social hierarchy as quickly as possible, because Korean people must alter their etiquette, speech, and attitude depending on who they are talking too and how old they are.

Back in November, I found out that my school thought I was 30. SMOE apparently gave them a document that said I was 30, although my birthday was on about 50 documents I had to submit for the job. Anyway, the teachers were warned not to say anything to me about my age or weight, because apparently some of them guessed a 30 year old Canadian teacher would probably be an ugly fat dude. Most teachers could tell I must not be that old, and asked me my true age. Many of them thought I was 30 until recently. I wonder if their perception of me has changed now that they know I am a young, relatively inexperienced teacher. Luckily the foreigner card exempts me from many of the expectations the younger Korean teachers must abide by.

Teachers and students at my school are also confused at times because I say I am 24, because in Korea I would be considered 26. This is because a) they start counting age from the time of conception and b) people all consider themselves a year older on New Years, in order to avoid trivial disputes over seniority between people who are only separated by just a few months. Now I just say I'm 26 all the time. I might start saying I'm 30, so maybe I'll get treated even better than I already do.